At my wits end with how messy my 15 year old is

[Moveonward]

I have once again gone into my daughter’s room to put laundry away and found everything shoved out of sight and it’s disgusting. I’ve found dirty underwear/ clothes just shoved in her wardrobe with clean clothes she assures me she’d put away.

There was a pair of dirty trousers specifically that she had assured me she’d put in the wash basket and they have been shoved at the back of the wardrobe and her filthy

on closer Inspection I found more dirty socks, pants and clothes shoved down the back of her bed as well as dirty cotton pads for removing makeup and other bits of rubbish. Her room is littered with bits of makeup/ random earrings and bits of rubbish. I found an inch of mould in the small kettle she has in her room a couple of months ago as she just left an apple in there rather than take it to the bin.

I’m at my wits end with this. It’s been going on since she was a preteen. We had issues last year where her school bag was full of rubbish/ old bits of food and I was really worried about why this was happening.

We seem to have a pattern where i discover dirty clothes/ rubbish/ mouldy food. We have a discussion. I stop pocket money for a bit- she gets upset and tearful but can’t really tell me why it’s happening. It’s improves for a bit and then I discover something else. Last summer I discovered used/ dirty period knickers shoved at the back of her underwear drawer which was really shocking. I’m not sure if there is something else going on as I remember being a bit dirty and messy as a teenager but nothing like this. Otherwise she seems happy and popular in school and is keeping up with school work etc.

we have had a stressful year this year as I’ve been unwell and she she does live between us and her dad. But the behaviour predates my period of illness.

I’ve tried to address this with her dad as I’m concerned there are deeper issues and I could feel the eye roll down the phone!

I don’t know if it’s just pure laziness or something else. Has anyone had this? I know messy teenagers are nothing new but this seems extreme.

I was a very messy teen. For me it started as laziness and lack of habits, then just got too overwhelming to deal with. Do a deep clean (she is likely to be very grateful), then insist on a 'daily 10 minute tidy' straight after dinner or something so she can start to build good daily routines.

Don't mess about removing pocket money. Assume she's not being naughty but finding something about this difficult.

Sit with her and help her tidy. Then you might discover what's missing that would make it easier for her to be tidier - does she need a bin that looks like bathroom bin in her room? A laundry basket? More storage space? Less stuff in her room?

I am a very tidy adult but my room as a teenager was an absolute shit tip. My teenagers when at home were the same and I just shut their bedroom doors and ignored.
About once a month they were made to sort their rooms out with bin liners.
As adults they are super tidy in their own homes…I think . Middle child in Australia ,shall be assessing his home when I get there in November 🤦‍♀️

Don't suspend pocket money but consider adding some black rice (sprinkled sporadically in areas) even an old birds nest in a corner under the bed. Then suggest something is living up there like mice or rats. She'll clean it immediately!

Haven’t rtft
yes 1 of my teens was exactly like this and beyond the usual teen mess, dirty underwear, old lunchboxes in school bags or shoved behind drawers etc. (food still in them and food that she liked and had made herself)
whilst I usually stick to the ‘your room, whatever’ vibe I really couldn’t with dd.
I spoke to gp and she had some therapy as she couldn’t really explain why it was happening, now she is still messy but no longer hoarding clothes or old food.

My daughter is 12, she has ADHD and does this. Leaves dirty clothes in the floor, leaves rubbish, wont bring plates and glasses out till the next day

I completely disagree! I am extremely tidy and clean, my DD (20) however is most certainly not!

Why are you allowing a kettle in her room, I have teenage twins and would never allow this - just encourages them to eat up there! Get rid of the kettle.

@OurBeautifulBabySo how would you explain 2 dd, both brought up the same way, 1 perfectly clean and organised and the other the same as op?

I feel like this sounds like possible ADHD. My son is a bit like this though he’s getting better as he matures thank goodness. And I have to say I was also like this as a teen and am still a messy person though not to the same extent anymore! I would not be surprised if I have undiagnosed ADHD myself.

My son was exactly like this when he was your daughter’s age. Now he’s got his own home, the transformation is amazing. I often wonder if it’s the same person.
His bag that he uses for work though, still has a lot of old sweet wrappers and things in it, I think that’s his outlet into his previous misdemeanours.

I agree AJLOAL 👍

I had an extremely messy teenager. She drove me nuts at home. Room was disgusting. I go between helping her to tidy it and then getting really angry when it went back to being a pigsty.
It's encouraging to read on here that some kids change when they get their own home. But my DD didn't. Her house is a mess, sorry to say.

DD's room is in the attic so was easy to avoid. I came down heavily on food, nail polish on the en suite shower room floor, and very dirty laundry. It made ignoring the pikes of paper, books, stuffed animals and 'stuff' easier. I also said food attracted rats and that DD would be woken in the night by scratching around the skirting.

Well we don't have the rule own room own mess..You respect your room just like the rest of the house and out teens are very good at putting washing in machine or tidying up wrappers,plates,glasses don't really have to ask tbh but then again they've known from little one puts ones mess away wether it be toys or rubbish bits so not an issue for them or our younger ones

All three of mine were brought up exactly the same. DD was a messy moo, plates under beds, cups, etc, DS1 everything had to be immaculate - he kept it that way, DS2, crack den !!!! - so shaming OP by saying its how they are brought up is not kind and not true.