Teenage daughter

[Carol52]

I just don’t know where I am going wrong with my daughter.
She is 14.
i gave a son of 18 . Their dad and I do not live together.
my son and I like the same things we love sport and he is very active.Their dad is not he has no real interest . When we go out their dad says my son is my golden child and my daughter is left out. I hated that so about a year ago I tried to encourage her to do more things. She has clubs but half the time not that bothered . I just feel she would stay in her room and her phone. I try every few weeks me snd her do something on our own.
The mean reason is she is moody I can’t talk to her if it’s not her way. If we have a argument it’s 1 to a 100 and she starts shouting. She would stay in bed all day. I know this may sound like a typical teenager but any advice. We just seem to be at each other all the time.
Dad is no help he has no patience and never plans anything with the kids

What about the cinema OP would your DD do that regular with just the 2 of you.

We do that sometimes it’s just argument and acting like a chav . I just don’t get where it is coming from

Maybe her Dad is verbalising to you what she can't? You say you and your son like the same things and get on, maybe she feels left out? She is an individual and likely very different to your son so you need to find some common ground. Do you take a general interest in her life, do any activities together?
Make time for just you and her doing something you know she likes and make it a regular thing, even if you won't enjoy it at least it shows willing.
When it comes to arguments, choose your battles carefully and choose which hills you will die on and then try not to sweat anything else. My DH always takes DDs behaviour as a personal insult which escalates things quickly so I always try to remember how I felt at that age and that 99% of the time she doesn't know how she feels herself.

This is also the age for an important developmental milestone to get them ready to move out of the home + become independent. So it's normal for them to start rebelling + wanting more of their own space but their brains are also re-wiring so basically they revert to toddler stage, they just aren't as cute! My DD (13) needs more attention, cuddles + reassurance at moment than she did a year ago. Just cos they say they want to be alone doesn't mean that's always true.

Thanks I do a lot of that I appreciate any advice

Your daughter might still be angry about her parents splitting up, and that she is living with you when, from what you’ve written, you cannot find common ground. My DD was like this. She’s now 18 and so much easier for us to get along. We don’t do things together much as she doesn’t want to, but we chat a lot and the rows have reduced from 5 or 6 a day (1-100, soul destroying) to one milder one every few months. The reason is, I think, i let her be. I offer, I keep calm, I don’t snap back (unless I’ve really had enough). She’s learned that she can be who she wants to be snd that im there for when she needs me.