Teen (14yo DS) with no self esteem

[Blueuggboots]

Does anyone else have this with their 14 yo?
He HATES himself. Thinks he’s got a fat face, thinks he’s ugly, thinks everyone hates him. He doesn’t, he isn’t and they don’t!!
It is EXHAUSTING. He’s only mildly happy if he has a girlfriend. Needs constant external validation. He’s already having counselling. He’s very very negative about everything and also ND. What else can I do to help him??!

Dos he spend a lot if time on social media? Is he being bullied? Do you have restrictions on his mobile phone and internet use?

Yes, he does spent time of social media. Was being bullied at school but we’re moving his school from September to a much smaller school with a much stricter stance on bullying.

I think we need more restrictions!!!

combination of social media and a rubbish bullying policy is disaster for this age especially

they are so so immature how can they process these crap

fantastic that you’re moving school

can you get him occupied with lots of activities to get his mind of it while in parallel you’re restricting all social media rubbish?

My Ds was the same (he's now 17).

I didn't find an easy fix but focused on building up his confidence in little steps.

Since 14, he has passed another grade skiing, another three grades at karate, qualified as a pool life guard, and passed 10 gcses. Each pass gave him a little lift. He still has a fairly low opinion of himself, but he's better than he was.

Congratulate your ds on each little success. Make sure he has clothes that he is comfortable in, and he likes. Spend that little extra for his prom clothes. Encourage him to take more decisions for himself.

Show quiet, consistent confidence in him, and eventually he will start to believe it himself. Hopefully.