Resources to help navigate friendship issues

[Borris]

DD is year 9 and struggles with friendships. She tends to flit from one group to another. Things can be intense for a bit and then tail off. She has one friend who is on/off and they’ve just had a big blow up
despite being besties last week.

the friend has told her noone likes her and she blows hot and cold and does it to everyone. DD is upset and now questioning whether she’s got something wrong with her which makes her treat people differently to how she thinks she is.

XH was emotionally abusive to me
and is EA to dd too (school and social services aware but at 14 they won’t remove DD unless she wants to. She has had some teen support). School think this is clouding her relationships with others.

when I look back she was similar in primary too. Flitted around on the outside of friendship groups - never a long term best friend.

I can’t help but worry that her dad is a loner who has kept up no friendships and whether this is somehow part of her. I have loads of friends, some from 30. years ago.

She’s an only child which I think doesn’t help with the give and take aspects sometimes. I see her as kind, generous, funny and friendly.

Dont get me wrong - she does have friends and meets people in town. If she invites people over they usually come. But it’s forever changing who it is.

Are there any resources to help
me and her navigate this?

Reading your post I noticed that you compare people with each other. Also you miss some of the positives.
Your DD's happiness may not be staying with one group or bestfriend for 30 years, she may at times be a bit more of a 'loner' than you, she may wish to have different friends.
It's great she is able to make friendships and feels able to talk to you about her feelings.
Rather than compare or expect, try finding out more about the positives (what started the friendships) to help DD to sustain the relationships. Remind her that all friendships can be rocky at times and require patience and communication.

Really sorry your DD is having a hard time. Girls (or teens in general) can be pretty nasty at that age. My DD had a hard time finding her friend group and things still change around now but she found the app luna really helpful when it comes to navigating friendships. I think it helps her feel less alone but alos she knows there is someone else as well as me she can go to when she needs some advice or to open up. The app itself is great but also they have some parent resources too you might find helpful: https://weareluna.app/parents/guides/relationships/

It sounds like you two have a good relationship though if she is able to open up about it and share her feelings which is sometimes the hardest part. Wishing you luck x

@Enough4me thanks that is a great point that she may just not be a long-term friendship type of person.

I will have to be careful not to make assumptions. But she does seem pretty sad when the friendships break down.

@BrightAsALemon thank you. I will look at that app. I had not heard of it so hopefully it might throw some more insight into it. Luckily, we do have a close relationship and I really enjoy spending time with her.