My kid is like this too. Horrendous entitlement, aggression, laziness. I've only got the one so I've nothing to compare kid to and was convinced for years that it was my fault. But we've done a lot of work on this with therapists and she's in therapy herself; we've learned what I think you learnt too which is: avoid fights, soft pedal (obviously while speaking the truth about how the behaviour is unkind and damaging) and avoid the 'consequences and rewards' thinking that works for other kids. That just gives them something to battle you on and that fuels the misery. It's Oppositional Defiance Disorder and the usual strategies just don't work. Your job is to stay sane, keep your boundaries and as much as you can just model kindness and honesty with her. It's a waiting game till she grows up.