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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

A school toilet one

13 replies

clueless1974 · 26/06/2025 08:14

So my child hasn't wanted to go to school recently. They have recently had pouches for phones. He isn't bothered about not having his phone. What he is bothered about is (only told me last night) not being able to go to the toilet in break). Other kids are bashing the pouches to open them and sitting in the toilets in break on phones so kids can't go. When he asks to go to the toilet in lesson he's told "no you have just had a break", "you should have gone in break". He is shy and doesn't want to be called a snitch this is a new thing and yes he's been bullied before for doing the right thing.

I'm just trying to decide (the school don't always handle things the right way). The best way to go about it. Any advice? I'm really annoyed it's his human right and him rushing in the house going to the toilet is not ok. Poor thing this must be impacting so many of the kids. I also am unsure how the school can police it 😬

OP posts:
theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 26/06/2025 08:17

Well if you are really worried about reporting it, stick an anonymous note on the community Facebook? Outrage will follow. You can also send an anonymous note to the head and the board.

norabatty66 · 26/06/2025 08:22

I hate this rule. Sure there are kids who use needing the toilet as an excuse to get out of class but I would expect a teacher to use their discretion and recognise the genuine cases. Similar happened to my dc - too intimidated to use the loo during the breaks because they were full of older kids vaping. But not allowed to go any other time. He stopped drinking at school. It’s barbaric really.

I would contact the school, tell them what you know and state your concerns about the rule. Sometimes the only way they listen is if you say your dc won’t be coming in until this is resolved as it’s negatively affecting their health.

BunnyRuddington · 26/06/2025 08:32

Can you talk to the school and say that hes refusing school as he needs more toilet breaks than they’re allowing and they need to give him a toilet pass?

I would put it in writing too so that you can produce a copy when they start chairing you up about his absences.

GoFaster83 · 26/06/2025 08:54

@norabatty66 the problem with using your discretion is that one day, the child that lies all the time will actually need to go. Or their parents will complain that another child was allowed and they weren't. Then the teacher has to go through meetings with angry parents and their boss. Which trust me, isn't fun. I think anonymous tip off is a good idea and getting staff to monitor the toilets at breaks may help.

GoFaster83 · 26/06/2025 08:57

Altho goodness only knows where they'll get the staff to do it! I really feel for your son, I do. I just dont think we've found the solution yet.

norabatty66 · 26/06/2025 09:31

GoFaster83 · 26/06/2025 08:54

@norabatty66 the problem with using your discretion is that one day, the child that lies all the time will actually need to go. Or their parents will complain that another child was allowed and they weren't. Then the teacher has to go through meetings with angry parents and their boss. Which trust me, isn't fun. I think anonymous tip off is a good idea and getting staff to monitor the toilets at breaks may help.

I get it. It must be really hard for teachers and it’s not fair for lessons to continually be disrupted for toilet breaks. But it seems so wrong for such a basic thing to be denied. There are very few work place where you’d be denied use of a toilet if one was available. At one point our school was actually locking the toilets during lesson time. Anyone can get caught short, become unwell or have a period that starts suddenly.

In this case the school maybe needs to have someone monitoring the toilets during breaks to ensure that kids can safely use them for their intended purpose, not for sneaking on phones, vaping or general hanging around.

Original poster
clueless1974 · 26/06/2025 11:03

I have spoken to them and they are going to keep an eye. It's so hard for it to be monitored but feel better now I have said something. Thanks everyone :)

OP posts:
skyeisthelimit · 26/06/2025 11:08

I would tell the school, and also ask if he can have a toilet pass. They might only issue them for medical reasons though. I had to get one for DD

YourAquaTurtle · 26/06/2025 17:43

I'm sorry your son is going through this, my DD14 went through something similar - this article really helped me out, might be helpful for you too: https://weareluna.app/parents/guides/relationships/signs-of-bullying/

YourAquaTurtle · 26/06/2025 17:58

YourAquaTurtle · 26/06/2025 17:43

I'm sorry your son is going through this, my DD14 went through something similar - this article really helped me out, might be helpful for you too: https://weareluna.app/parents/guides/relationships/signs-of-bullying/

Oops wrong article, this is the one that I mean from their website: weareluna.app/parents/guides/relationships/dealing-with-bullying/

ThejoyofNC · 26/06/2025 18:15

I'd give it until next week to see if anything changes and if not then I'd demand a toilet pass.

BunnyRuddington · 26/06/2025 22:24

ThejoyofNC · 26/06/2025 18:15

I'd give it until next week to see if anything changes and if not then I'd demand a toilet pass.

I would too.

Original poster
clueless1974 · 03/07/2025 07:56

So far so good 🤞counting down to the school holidays when he can relax :)

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