Nasty rumours spread by bullies - how to stop?

[dildeewana]

My daughter 13 has been the victim of what I can only describe as a smear campaign by another girl. This girl is telling the wider friendship group (and anyone who will listen) that my DD has said about her, prompting those people to come and confront my DD. She simply responds with "no, I didn't say that" but this girl seems hell bent on causing trouble. It's been going on for the last few months and no recently the accusations have ramped up. This girl is loud and outspoken, and has a reputation for holding grudges so I guess the group won't stand up to her for fear of being her next victim.

My DD is getting really worked up about it all because now the bully is standing with a larger group at breaktimes pointing and laughing at my daughter. My DD has spoken to her head of year and told him what's going on. The other girl has been crying to the teachers claiming it's all true. Because it's her word against my daughter's we seem to be getting nowhere with it all.

I have no idea what to do next / how to reassure my daughter that she hasn't done anything wrong. We've been telling her to ignore it but this girl seems hell bent on causing so much grief for my daughter with these accusations. My DD doesn't feel like she should have to protest her innocence but this girl keeps getting people to approach her in school accusing her of saying things about the bully when she really hasn't.

I'm sure this is classed as bullying right? And the school need to do something? But what? I'm struggling to figure out what to do.

Honestly bullies never change. The girl will grow up to become a woman who bullies. Unless anyone stands up to her, the behaviour will carry on. Tell your daughter to stand up to the girl. If I was your daughter I would either hit the bully or do something to really humiliates her. But that’s me 🤣

Do not hit. She will get suspended.

Thanks Hotmoodle. Yes, it's become apparent that this girl is enjoying the power trip it's giving her. My daughter has been able to ignore it but understandably it's getting to her. My daughter wouldn't throw hands, she does martial arts - so would lose her license if she used violence. She has been incredible restrained from giving the girl a whack, even though she is confident to.

Absolutey. She knows how to control herself. She tried to speak to the other girl but she was surrounded by her cronies who all just postured and jeered at my daughter, so she backed off.

Speak to school?

I reckon one day soon someone else will get sick of the bully’s shit and whack her one. Don’t know if you’ve seen the film Moonlight, it’s brilliant but there’s quite a famous scene where the bully gets beat with a chair. The kid obviously goes to prison but I remember everyone in the cinema cheering at them for getting their karma.

That definitely sounds like bullying, and you're absolutely right to be taking it seriously. My DD14 went through something similar, one girl turning others against her, and it’s so hard watching your child be isolated for something they didn’t do.
You’ve done the right thing by going to the school, but I’d keep a written log of incidents and push for a proper investigation. Ask what the school's anti-bullying policy says and how they plan to act on it. Your daughter shouldn't have to keep defending herself while this girl stirs things up.
One small thing that helped my daughter feel less alone during a rough patch was the teen wellbeing Luna app (weareluna.app). It has articles about bullying and she could ask an anonymous Q to an expert about friendships. I think it definitely helped her confidence when things felt a bit overwhelming.
They've also written an article for parents about bullying which might help you out: weareluna.app/parents/guides/relationships/dealing-with-bullying/
Hope this helps

Thank you! Yes, I agree it is bullying and the school seems to be taking it seriously. I've got a meeting planned with the head of year next week. My DD has had such an outpouring of love and support from our wider family and friends and she's hopefully realising that she isn't the problem / hasn't done anything wrong.

Thank you for the Luna app suggestion. She uses the trackers but I don't think she's used the q&a feature before. I will ask her if she'd find that useful. Tbh, she's been pretty open about everything so far.

It's interesting you suggested keeping notes, as she's already been doing this for the last few months - which I was unaware of but it has helped greatly with getting her side of the story across.

Thank you for taking the time to reply ❤️