DD14 saying she wants to die

[Lovelyweatherbluesky]

DD14 has told me twice she wants to die; when she is stressed she gets very emotional. I found a plaster in her hand and I think she scratched herself deliberately.

She has an EHCP. She told me a couple of weeks ago when it happened first that everyone else in the house was a smart except her, she hates being bottom class and having a teacher following her around, not being able to sit with friends, and why does she has a speech and language disorder?

I am so worried and stressed, have been crying all day, feel I felt as a mother. I feel getting her a plan and sending her a school far away was a mistake. She struggled in primary too.

She is moving schools in September and looking forward to it. She will be attending a performing arts school from year 10.

Maybe I should stop sending her to school? For the rest of this year.

I am suffering from burnout and off work myself so this is not good timing as feeling quite low myself.

We have an appointment with dr this afternoon who will hopefully refer her as I got private medical insurance for counselling, talking therapies, etc.

Hi, this sounds like such a difficult situation for you both. I don't know what to advise you, as you are obviously already in touch with appropriate services, but I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. Off the top of my head, I suppose it's a really good thing that your daughter can be open with you about her feelings. And I guess it's trying to strike the balance between not encouraging her to fixate on the subject of wanting to die, but also normalising that some people have really difficult moments emotionally/psychologically, and that for most people, these pass, and the moment moves on to a different state of mind.
Is your daughter autistic? I am a big beliver in children learning about themselves and gradually being able to advocate for themselves. And also, the experience of lots of neurodivergent young people, is that once they leave school, they can hopefully find environments that suit them, and alot of the negative impact is reduced. It sounds like you are probably containing alot of her emotional state with her, and co-regulating with her. Make sure you are trying to look after yourself (whether that's going for a walk, a coffee with a pal or counselling), as you need looking after too, if you're going to be able to keep doing the supportive job that you are now. Good luck, and I hope this phase passes quickly.

Thank you. I appreciate your response. Her wellbeing does worry me and impact me quite a bit when she is low. I do try to look after myself too, doing yoga, meditation, etc. I am getting counselling for myself too. Hope it helps.

Wondering if menopause is also making things worse. Between the work stuff and this I am not sure anymore.

I don’t think she is autistic, she was diagnosed with a speech and language disorder.

I think the key lies in nurturing something she's good at, and giving regular genuine praise. Sounds like her self esteem is on the floor.
Could you help her structure her week? Include things like daily affirmations. Join a gym. An outside club - eg photography or dance. Lots of hugs .
I really hope it gets better.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I have a 14-year-old daughter too, and this age can be so emotional and overwhelming, even without the added challenges your daughter is facing. Please don’t feel like you’ve failed. The fact that she came to you and opened up shows she feels safe with you, which is so important.

It sounds like the school situation has been really tough for her, but the move to a performing arts school could be really really great. If finishing the school year feels like too much right now, it’s okay to consider stepping back for a bit, especially while you’re waiting for more support to come through.

One thing that’s helped my daughter feel a bit more in control is the luna app (weareluna.app). It’s made for teens themselves and covers mental health, emotions, stress, friendships, and all the confusing stuff they deal with. She likes that it’s something she can explore privately and in her own time - it's really made a difference with her moods.

Finally, please please be kind to yourself - you said you're suffering from burn out too and I'm not surprised. Give yourself understand too.

You are right, it is her self steem. She goes to the gym, we also encourage her and praise her and accept her suggestions, she goes to a club every weekend too.

We just been to the doctors; mY heart is breaking; she referred her to the psychiatrist; I didn’t realise it was this bad. I don’t want antidepressants; wondering if it is hormones; or too much time in Roblox. I am so worried for her

Will look at the app. Thank you.

I asked her if she wants to finish school early and we agreed next week.

My burntout is related to work but this is definitely adding up to it now. I am crying a lot today