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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Porn addiction and sending nude selfies

2 replies

LOO84 · 22/06/2025 09:15

long story short I was woken up by a police knock on the door and discovered my son had sent a naked photo of himself online. Police were lovely and spoke to my son about the dangers etc and made sure he was safe and wasn’t being coerced/blackmailed etc. After they had gone my son told me he’s thinks he’s addicted to porn. I’m completely blindsided by this as we’ve always been open with each other and I’ve lost count on how many conversations we’ve had about internet safety. I have no idea where to go from here or how to help him. Obviously very worried too about the fact that social services will now be contacted as I have no experience of anything like this. I have spoken to his school and have put restrictions on his phone and he now doesn’t have his laptop in his room or his phone overnight. Anyone been in a similar situation or can offer some advice? TIA

OP posts:
SharpMintTiger · 27/06/2025 16:56

Hi OP,

It takes a whole lot of courage to post about something like this so I can only say give yourself a pat in the back. You're lucky to have had the police been so lucky, and not face any legal consequences which I'm very grateful you're not facing too, you havent mentioned how old your son is, but he probably hasn't spoke to you about it regardless of internet safety because it's more than likely due to exposing himself as masturbating etc. which probably feels or felt really awkward to him beforehand. I think it's important to recognise that pornography use is typical of teenagers , and it can sometimes be made out to be a cardinal sin and lead to more secrecy, which nobody wants, but only your son can tell you the frequency he was accessing it or using it as a stimulus, I think what would be good would be to sit down with him and talk to him about how it's not real, how it warps consent and views of people etc. Fight the new drug is a good podcast, brook, and the Lucy faithful Foundation and shore space also have some great resources. From situations I've been in, depending on how habitual the usage was, it may just be crazy hormones, but it could also be a harmful sexual behaviour, in which he was using it to he able to cope with emotions or situations he didn't know how to express or deal with such as bullying, family trauma etc, if it is this, ask the designated safeguarding lead at school or the social worker that will come out, to see if they can put in a referral to the harmful sexual behaviour team if available or a similar service. In terms of children's services involvement, it will typically be an assessment of the family home, and the family that live within it, as it's been triggered from the police, they'll more than likely pull medical records both you and your son etc which will all be placed into a report, to check for injuries, medications, mental health etc, but they'll also talk to you, your son perhaps in a different room to yourself, partner if there is one present and siblings, however you can normally decline siblings being spoken too for privacy reasons, age and the fact it only concerns your son, but each social worker and agency is different, so if they say otherwise it's best to go along, they'll more than likely ask your son who he interacted with online, if he's still in contact with them, if they know any personal details about him, and the current internet safety plan of which it's the restrictions on his phone and no laptop usage. The most important thing to remember is to be honest, welcoming and polite which can feel really difficult when you feel like you're being judged as a parent, but what you have to remember is that they're there to protect your son the same as you, and to be honest, hit you and your son, because if he needs help now is the best and easiest time. I think that's everything you've asked if you have any more questions feel free to ask them, I hope it gets better for you and your son. It's also important to note that you can ask for a different social worker and you choose times and things that are suitable to you, you don't have to bend entirely to their will.

Theoscargoesto · 27/06/2025 17:03

I echo the above poster-it’s great you have posted and great you and are open to support. You don’t say how old your son is or if he is open to support but I infer under 19 and that he is.
You may be waiting a while for support and so may your son. If he is open to it, can I suggest Childline? This is nothing they haven’t heard before and they are there to offer your son anonymous support and information.
The website is Childline.org.uk and you can look at the info on there with him.

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