Nose piercing at 13

[Becki888]

My ex husband who is my 50/50 co-parent is allowing my 13 year old daughter to get her nose pierced. This is a major decision and may not be reversible and I’m super upset as I think she is too young. Am I wrong here? How can he just ignore my wishes?

I also think your DD is too young, and this isn't for your husband to unnaturally give permission for.

What about her school, would it even be allowed?

/ unilaterally 🙈

Her school won’t allow it to be worn but she thinks she can get a clear one and hide it with concealer! I’m the bad guy for saying no!

My kids grew up knowing that they were not allowed to smoke, pierce anything but ears, get tattoos or ride a motorbike whilst they lived under my roof. This meaning by the time they moved out they were older and likely to make a more mature decision. I agree 13 is way too young and school will not approve either

My Dd had hers done at 13, she’s in her 20’s now and has removed it with no scar or any damage. For me I decided to pick my battles and I’d rather her have it done properly than do something stupid like pierce it herself and get an infection. It’s a teenage phase that won’t last and isn’t permanent.

Also, nowhere reputable will do it age 13, will they?

Apparently if a parent is there (ie her dad) then it’s ok!

That's dreadful.

The concealer plan will not work.

So he wants to be the cool parent?
Tell him you are getting dd some alcohol for the week end....
See if he can see how ridiculous both ideas are...

It's a piercing it can be removed and it will heal completely. Whilst I don't agree your husband should have taken your daughter without your permission, it's not the end of the world. School probably won't allow it and she'll have to remove so that's a lesson learned. Pick your battles.

I think 13 is fine for a nose piercing so long as the school allow a clear retainer.
If they don't, then no. She'll be told to remove it (the concealer thing won't work) and it will heal up. So a waste of time and money

It's so arbitrary isn't it, what ages are ok for which body modifications.But, a nose piercing is not that extreme or permanent really. Why do we think ears lobes are OK?

Dd had hers done at 13. I don’t really see the big deal tbh but it’s not fair that he’s made the decision without you. Our school do allow it though which is also a big consideration.

This is my view on it too. DD1, who is 12, asked to get a rook piercing when I took her 9yo sister to get her lobes pierced. I told her that she had to pay for it herself and if school wanted it out then it would be a waste of money but on her own head be it. She was so pleased with it and has looked after it - and school has been fine. I just couldn’t get worked up about it tbh (although it should definitely be a joint decision)

You're not wrong to feel upset. At 13, a nose piercing feels like a big step, and it’s totally fair to expect joint decisions on things like this, especially with 50/50 parenting. It’s hard when the other parent doesn’t consult you, it can feel like your role is being ignored.
My daughter’s 14, and we’ve had similar clashes over appearance choices, maybe because she has quite low self-esteem. By the way, one thing that really really helped her about that was the teen wellbeing luna app (weareluna.app).
In terms of the piercing, maybe try having a calm chat with your daughter about it too. Sometimes a conversation will be more helpful than just saying no.

It will be weeks or even months before it is healed enough to leave it out for long periods and in that time, the school will notice it. My daughter wasn’t allowed to do sports while a helix piercing healed (she is 15) and I felt a bit guilty. I would try and get this pushed back to 16. Good luck