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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

PROM season.

18 replies

MarthaGray · 19/06/2025 21:43

I’m a modern parent as is my DH, we have one DD who is 16 who has just done her GCSEs.
we have brought her up to be accepting, open minded & non judgemental as are we, as her parents. With the belief "Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded"
we embrace her and encourage her to be who she is.

with it being Prom season she didn’t want to wear a dress but wanted a full suit with a shirt and tie. We took her suit shopping and got her all sorted.
I am proud that she doesn’t feel she has to conform especially in her small female friendship group & she feels she can be proud to wear a suit.
she is still getting her hair done and a bit of makeup.

however I am a little sad that I don’t get to see my daughter dressed up in a prom dress (we did go dress shopping, she chose one I paid a deposit, but then she said she didn’t want to wear a dress) she’s my only child and I know that this is a ME thing & I need to come to terms with it myself.
I’m so proud of her, encourage her to be who she is and I love her dearly. However I can’t help feeling a little disappointed. I haven’t voiced this to her or my DH.

just wondering if any other parent has ever felt like this?

OP posts:

elliejjtiny · 19/06/2025 21:54

This is the thing when you have children unfortunately. Sometimes we have hoped and dreams of them doing a certain thing and then they do the complete opposite. My eldest is off to university in September. He wasn't going to go and now he has picked one 4 hours drive away and is already talking about staying up there afterwards. He is going to love it and I am thrilled for him but I am feeling sad for me, I'm going to miss him so much.

I had the opposite problem to you last year. Ds2 didn't want to go to his prom. I really wanted to see him all dressed up in his suit but he didn't want to do that was that.

It will be ok OP. Your dd will look lovely in her suit and she will have a great time.

BigFatLiar · 19/06/2025 22:00

But didn't you get to see her in a posh frock when you went shopping?

I think the main thing is she's happy and has a good time. Lots of other opportunities for her to dress up.

MaryTheTurtle · 19/06/2025 22:19

My DD has what can only be described as dress from the Victorian era. Black lace everywhere and a black corset.
she loves it and chose it and is happy Im happy that only cost £16 of Amazon
Prices for “proper” prom dresses are crazy

BigFatLiar · 19/06/2025 22:22

MaryTheTurtle · 19/06/2025 22:19

It's silly, it's only a school dance.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/06/2025 22:27

I don’t really get this. How can you be disappointed by what you’ve actively encouraged?

evtheria · 19/06/2025 22:28

My DC is much younger, but I get it, OP.

OldFamilyTable · 19/06/2025 22:34

Having just had a daughter go to prom I can tell you that the pride comes in watching your child happy and with good friends. It feels like a pat on the back moment to see your child growing up and ready for the world. What they wear really isn’t the important bit. Better a happy face in a suit than a glum face in a dress. Also, suits are very cool.

Cece92 · 19/06/2025 22:45

My cousin had her prom last week she wore a suit and tie and looked so lovely. She hates girls clothing. Always dresses smart though. Usually black combats and a T-shirt nice trainers. It took my uncle a bit of getting used too as he was military for 30 years and was girls dress like girls and boys dress like boys but he’s totally ok board with her style now and knows how happy she is and comfortable she is in her style. She has short hair aswell. When you see her all dressed up you’ll still have those feelings. She will look lovely, in her own way, I commend you for letting her be herself and dressing how she feels best xx

Original poster

MarthaGray · 19/06/2025 23:20

arethereanyleftatall · 19/06/2025 22:27

I don’t really get this. How can you be disappointed by what you’ve actively encouraged?

I very happy for her and happy that she’s happy and comfortable in a suit.
im just sad I don’t get to see her in a prom dress it’s my problem not hers

OP posts:

longnapenthusiast · 20/06/2025 11:28

Totally valid - we can have these ideal scenarios and images of moments we can have with our children, but at the end of the day, they are their own person. SO proud of you OP for keeping an open mind with your dd and letting her embrace what she loves without shame, as that's so important for their confidence and emotional development. Don't worry, it might be a bit sad for now but down the line you'll be much happier seeing how happy they are. x

Aprilrainagainagain · 20/06/2025 11:37

My dd 18 isn’t going to her Prom because despite being a beautiful, accomplished amazing person the relentless bullying she’s suffered since year 7 is still going on. It’s more subtle now which makes it harder to deal with.

Whatever I do I can’t seem to make things ok for her. So I’m going to take her out for dinner somewhere lovely.
I’m sorry you feel sad. You sound like and amazing mum.

BabyBump1212 · 20/06/2025 13:03

My daughter would never wear a dress now or anything remotely girly. She's 13 so a long way off from prom but I'd imagine she'll be wanting to wear a suit too. As long as she's happy and comfortable is the main thing.

YourAquaTurtle · 20/06/2025 17:40

This is fair enough that you feel this way, but honestly you're going to have the exact same feeling of pride when you see your daughter dressed up in a suit with her hair and makeup done, it'll still feel like a really special moment, trust me!

Jamandtoastfortea · 20/06/2025 17:45

There are lots of other chances - college balls, friends weddings, maybe her wedding or graduation? Enjoy each one for what it is. She sounds v cool and grounded! I hope she has a great time xx

BigFatLiar · 20/06/2025 22:14

Aprilrainagainagain · 20/06/2025 11:37

Well done!

I wish my mum had done this. I was also bullied through school. I was expected to go to the dance (didn't call it a prom then) and I was miserable.

LemonTraybake · 21/06/2025 06:02

I can relate OP. My daughter only wears trouser suits and ties and shirts, I haven’t seen her in a dress since she was about 11 and I miss it! But she has her own life and her own style and forges her own path, and I accept that. For what its worth, my daughter refused to go to prom because she couldn’t relate to any of her peers, so at least you got a prom photo?!

3sthemagicnumber · 21/06/2025 09:47

I think it's understandable to feel proud of her for knowing who she is and what she likes and proud of yourself for giving her the space to do that.and also to feel a bit sad for yourself that you are not getting the experience you expected and might have wanted.
My DD has just had her prom. She doesn't like having her photo taken. She agreed to take one at home for the record (and the grandparents!) but didn't want us to take any of her with her friends or at the venue. So that's what we did. I'd have liked the group pictures with her friends, and the extended family would have liked more photos, but it's about her, not us. It felt like all the other parents were doing photos etc, but I'd take missing out on that for having my daughter thank me afterwards for giving her the space to do it her way.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 21/06/2025 10:18

You know what? It’s ok to feel like that. You’re not expressing it out loud , or pressuring her to conform. That little pang? It’s ok.

You will also get over it. Once the day comes and passes , and you look at pictures and you know she had fun, and felt happy and confident you will enjoy the reality of it all so much more than the idea of what could’ve been.

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