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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

TW - sexual assault/self harm

3 replies

OneSparklyBeaker · 18/06/2025 00:53

I received a phone call from social services today to advise me that my DD (14) had made a disclosure to a teacher that her older half brother (17) had sexually assaulted her.
To give some background, I have DD & DS (11) with my DH and he has a son from a previous relationship who does not live with us.
When I got home to speak to DD she was reluctant to provide details and said it happened "years ago" and didn't see why it mattered now. She will frequently say that she hates older brother and we never understood why, seems we now know. DD also has a history of self harm, which she did tell us about and I imagine this is in response to what has happened.
I don't think DD realised what the outcome of disclosing this information would be. She is to be interviewed by a social worker tomorrow and has asked that I do not attend. Based on that discussion the police may or may not be involved and a multi-agency meeting will be held to determine what level of risk is present.
I don't know what the purpose of this post is but I needed to offload somewhere in the hope that anyone who might have experienced similar can offer any words of support.
Will my DS need to be interviewed too?? I've not mentioned any of this to him due to his age and also the fact that he suffers severely with anxiety.
I feel sick to my stomach, DH is working away just now and is not taking the news well. I don't want to discuss it with anyone we know because I honestly just don't know where to start! I've requested leave from work with a vague explanation as to why and I need to figure out how to support DD through all of this.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 18/06/2025 00:57

Well, you’re doing something very right. You’re believing her.

MumOfOne90 · 18/06/2025 01:28

I’m currently a year and a half into the exact same situation but it was my daughter’s brother (same dad) that committed the assault. It’s been a horrible, emotional, stressful experience so far and I fear we aren’t over the worst just yet! The case has been NFA due to lack of evidence as it was historical and this has affected us and our lives. Please please seek all the support you can - Birchall Trust and Nest victim therapy have been amazing for myself and my daughter. It’s a long road look after yourself and your daughter

OneSparklyBeaker · 18/06/2025 02:08

I do worry about the wider repercussions. Whilst I'm angry with SS for putting DD in this situation, it's hard to comprehend. I have known him almost his whole life and I just can't see this having been done with malicious intent? Then I wonder if something has happened to him that we're unaware of that prompted his behaviour? So many variables and no answers right now. I'm in no way minimising what has happened, DD is clearly very traumatised by it all.
I worry about the future impact on her, the effect it might have on DH & SS's relationship, the effect it might have on mine & DHs relationship. I'm spiralling because it's all so fresh but my focus right now is to keep my shit together & support DD however I can.

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