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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenage daughter expressing worrying feelings in writing assesment

2 replies

northernballer · 17/06/2025 16:44

So my 14 year old suffers from anxiety, mainly around her appearance as she has a visible difference and was bullied in Year 7 due to it. We moved her to a small independent school and whilst she has got better and goes to school happily and has a wide circle of friends, she does still struggle with being different. She also has two older sisters.

We have tried counselling for her but she refuses to really engage and gets very upset, although I have another initial appointment with CAMHS next month. She also sees someone at school. She also had some blood tests recently which are abnormal and we are waiting for a follow up with those.

She came home last week to say that she had had her writing assement and the question had been about how it feels to be different. She is an excellent writer and said she had written a very sad piece in the first person about feeling like you don't belong.

The next day she said her teacher had spoken to her about it as he was worried about the content of it, I think she may have written about self harming and suicide. She was very embarassed and upset by this and said she was going to ask to do it again.

On Friday her HOY rang me to say that her English teacher was worried about the content of her writing and wanted to flag it. I told him DD had already told me about the piece of work and asked him to send me a copy so I could share it with CAMHS. She has not replied yet.

Today DD has come home and said her school counsellor said she needs serious help and should see a therapist, so I have followed up my email on Friday to ask again for a copy of the writing so I can share it.

I feel like such a failure and like the school are judging me somehow. I have done everything I can think of to help her but I feel like this is all my fault, I just don't know what to do now. I think they think I am in denial about how she feels when the reality is I would do anything to help her and my heart breaks thinking of her having such feelings.

Not really sure what I want from this post either but I do feel better for writing it down.

OP posts:
Bookmarking · 17/06/2025 16:48

I'm sorry you are both in this. I've been in similar.

I'd ask for a call with the pastoral lead for the school. Make sure they know she is on the cahms waiting list and ask if they can help speed things along.

Try not to feel bad. She came to you and that's amazing.

Good luck.

ghostyslovesheets · 17/06/2025 17:21

I’d question how qualified the school ‘therapist’ is saying something like that to a 14 year old.

Gently, it’s not about you or your feelings of looking a failure, it’s about your child needing support

I think the school have been a bit crap to be honest flagging concerns but not doing anything more.

Ask your child what support they need, there are a few charities that offer online support if she’s not ready to engage 1-1. If she won’t accept CAMHS support what does she want?

she’s obviously letting people know she’s not happy

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