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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Feeling a bit sad and old.

22 replies

mumeeee · 23/05/2008 09:52

I don't know if this is the right place to post this.
I have 3 DD's D1 21, DD2 18 and DD3 16.
They are all coming to an end of different stages of education and I am feeling a bit sad.
DD1 has just finshed her final university exams and her graduation is in July, DD2 has just gone off for her last full day in college she only has 4 exams to do after half term and thats it. She has been very busy the last few days getting all the final bits of her performing Arts course finished,
DD3 had her final day at school on May 13th and now only has to go in for her GCSE exams.
She is going to collegte in September so I will never again be attending any events at the high school which they all attended.
Sory to go on.

OP posts:

Rosylily · 23/05/2008 10:04

It's okay to grieve when you reach an ending. Allow yourself to feel sad, then move on and look forward to new stages.

I have an almost 17 year old and I am dreading him leaving home so I know how you feel.

mshadowsnumber1fan · 23/05/2008 17:36

i know how you feel (a bit) ds has just had his last proper school day. now just goes in for exams and when he wants to do revision(and no doubt see his gf)
is an odd time.

Original poster

mumeeee · 23/05/2008 18:38

Well just had a good day with DD1 met in town to buy her belated 21st birthday present and then went for lunch to celebrate the end of her exams. So feeling a bit better. DD2 hasn't come home from college yet. She is probably out with her friends somewhwre.

OP posts:

pagwatch · 23/05/2008 18:48

I hope this doesn't come across badly but wanted to post in the hope it will encourage some positivity.
My DS1 is 14 and is increasingly moving out into the world, and we miss him a bit to be honest.
But DS2 has profound special needs. We will have him here with us forever. He will never bring home the girl ( or boy) he wants to spend his life with and we will never have a retirement of just the two of us.

Honestly - not trying to be a misery but just trying to say, of course any ebnd of an era is a bit sad. And natural.And fine.
But 'tis the natural order ofthings and their moving off is a sign that you have led them safely to adulthood and should be a chance to refocus on your dreams and ambitions.

Was that a horrible thing to bring up?
I will miss DS1 so much. But i am lucky in that DS2 reminds me that our children should move on and explore and find life and happiness. Its great really when you think about it.

getmeouttahere · 23/05/2008 19:21

Pag, that was a lovely post and brought tears to my eyes.

It was also a little bit of a reality check (in the best possible way)

findtheriver · 23/05/2008 19:22

pagwatch what a lovely post!
It's good to be reminded of the natural order of things. Of course change can be hard, but a really wise parent embraces it and allows their children to move on.

Original poster

mumeeee · 23/05/2008 19:27

That was a great post pagwatch. I am glad my children are growing up and all moving on to a differnt stage of thier lives.
It just hit me this morning that all 3 of them are moving on to the next stage at the sametime.
Dh and I have now got some time to ourselves which is good.

OP posts:

Bumblelion · 23/05/2008 19:32

... but I am sure you can look back at your children's school-time and take pride in how far they have come and how well you have done as a parent.

I am not quite at that time yet - daughter 15, son 11 (going to high school in September - another end of an era) and youngest DD 6.

I remember when my youngest started school/nursery. When my eldest started nursery/school, I was expecting my son. When my son started nursery/school I was expecting my third.

When my youngest started nursery I felt fine as she was still my 'baby', but it was when she started school and I had no baby at home that I felt my time had passed.

It especially made me feel old (I am now 40, nearly 41) when I see these young mums at school with children in my daughter's class (aged 5/6) and they have 1/2/3 younger ones. I feel like shouting that I have an elder one (11) and an even older one (15).

It does make me feel a bit out of the 'clique' but I have been in that 'clique' when my eldest and second-born both started school.

I feel I have nothing in common with the parents of my youngest's schoolfriends as they are so much younger than me (not that I ever thought of myself as an 'old' mum).

Elasticwoman · 23/05/2008 21:49

Bumble - oh to be 41 again! You are but a mere babe.

candygirl · 24/05/2008 09:38

hi mumeeee !
i no exactley what you mean my dd left school yesterday ,i took the day off work so i could do my last ever school run it was so sad.
i am only 36 and have been trying for the last 10 years to have another child but have suffered 9 miscarriages ,so i think this has really hit home and i kinda feel redundant as a mum.she has a job where she is being trained in house as a hairdresser so has started working there saturdays so hence i am sat here alone now when usually we spend the day at the shops together.
it is a sad time your baby leaving school,she also was very sad and scared.but she now has a new chapter to start in life and i supose we do to ,it just feels a very lonely one.
everyone around me was laughing at me yesterday as i was in tears,so i m glad ive found someone on here that understands.
take care of yourself and hopefully with 3 of them they will still keep you buisy between them with their boy problems and all the heartaches they have ahead until mr.right appears .
o god then we have that to deal with.a man in their lifes to help them instead of us .oooooooooooh

Elasticwoman · 24/05/2008 11:21

Candygirl, I had a friend who kept trying for another child, had a series of m/cs like you and eventually gave birth again aged 45! So look out!

candygirl · 24/05/2008 12:03

dont think i have the energy to go through it again elasticwoman,and people keep telling me that the age gap would be so big and that now dd as left school its now time to start enjoyin life more with dh.
but life with out a child seems wrong ,although i work with 16 4 year olds.
glad things worked out for your friend though.

amicissima · 24/05/2008 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

candygirl · 24/05/2008 12:42

i no amicissima wot you are saying!
i will ajust to my new chapter in life i no,but i need a little time to work through the feelings i have of not bein a mummy again due to dd leaving school and it was this time last year i m/c .enjoy your dd it goes so fast.thankyou replying.

evenhope · 24/05/2008 12:59

mumeeee my older kids are 22 20 18 and 16. The 18 yo is off to uni in the autumn and the 16 yo doesn't want to stay on, so we too will be leaving the school we've had ties with for 7 years (and because it's a boys school we won't ever have a child there again)

It is the natural order of things and obviously better than the alternative as pagwatch reminds us, but you are still grieving for a way of life that is gone IYSWIM.

getmeouttahere · 24/05/2008 16:20

Candygirl, you sound like a lovely mum.

I hope you eventually get what you yearn for, but if not, I wish you the strength to deal with it.

Original poster

mumeeee · 24/05/2008 18:54

Hi Candygirl. Time seems to have flown buy. I think although we are entering a new chapter in life we will always be a Mum. DD1 21 still likes to go shopping with me which is nice. I think it is because she lives away from home at the moment so I don't see her everyday.
DD2 18 was sent home foem work earkier bexause she wasn't feeling well but is apparently now well enough to go out with her friends? I do still insist she tells me where she is going and when she'll be home.

OP posts:

hls · 24/05/2008 19:51

Just to say that when they leave home it doesn't mean the end of your relationships with them.

My 2 are almost 22 and 20. My son is coming to the end of his 4th year at uni and my daughter her first year.

They phone/email/talk almost every day and I still feel like their personal PA most of the time, running errands etc- even though they are both over 100 miles away!

I suggest you get yourself something new to do so that you are kept busy. Another hobby or work, if you don't already.

Give yourself a makeover in every sense! But you are still their mum and they do still need you!

candygirl · 25/05/2008 23:18

getmeouttahere, thankyou for your kind words but i really dont feel like a good mum today,my dd seems to have turned into the bitch from hell over the last few days,i dont no whats happened but she is just nasty to me everytime i talk to her. i took her prom dress hunting today and she has had me nearly in tears.we try so hard to do things for her without spoiling her and to be treated and spoken to in this way is heart breaking. maybe its nerves she was really scared about leaving school and had a bad day at work yesterday.

candygirl · 25/05/2008 23:52

hi mumeee , your right it has flown by so fast im dizzy,and yes i hope my next chapter does involve many shopping trips ahead(if only to pay the bill),gosh movin out ouch! but i have to think back,i was nearly 18 when i moved into a flat with my now husband and i didnt even give a thought to what my mum and dad were going through ,you wouldnt i suppose until it happens to you.i did though go and see them every day until my dad died,im being very selfish arent i and i need to snap out of it.she has a whole new world out there waitin for her.

tigermoth · 26/05/2008 08:21

Oh, I know how you feel even though I am further away from this than you. My 14 year old still has some years of schooling left but when I think he could be leaving us in just 4 years to go to college, I feel 10 years older. He is so much part of my life and my home. And my other son at 8 still has years of school but only two more years of our lovely primary school, then that too, will be gone. It's not as if I have nothing else in my life - I work full time in a job I love, I have friends and hobbies.

Pagwatch, that was a very pertinent message.

mumofteens · 04/07/2008 12:52

I am feeling pretty bereft right now. My 17 year old as only one year left of school and my just 15 year old is becoming sooo independent. I really miss them!! I am finding myself wondering if I am too old (47) to have another child ...but then I think that would be very selfish, as I would have a toddler when I was pushing 50!! I know Cherie Blair did it but she can afford wall to wall nannies.... I try to keep myself very busy, but I am still finding this new time in my life really hard. Also made worse by the fact that I lost my mum a few years back. Enough self pity! I guess I should just thank my blessings and look forward to grandchildren...

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