What do your teens do in the evenings?

[GradMama]

A long story but DS15 has recently been ditched by his friendship group that he has spent time with since year 7. They are a very sociable bunch and prior to this DS would spend almost every Friday and Saturday night with them at various parties/sleepovers/someone’s house. He now seems to have no idea what to do and spends his weekend evenings (he has a hobby that keeps him busy during the day) moping about at home, being grumpy and irritable. I have tried to suggest various things (cinema, dinner out) but he doesn’t really want to hang around with me and his dad, or his younger siblings (we have two DD). For those of you who have teens not going out to parties or hanging around with their friends in the evenings, what do they do all night at home? Especially at weekends, during the week there’s homework and other things to keep him busy.

What happened why was he dumped?

mine are on screens - shit I know

This week, growing a garden on some game with all of his mates online. It has been amusing to hear a bunch of 16 year old lads talking about buying flower seeds or how big their mango tree is.

Why did they drop him OP? That sounds really hard, poor lad. How old is he? Is he moving to college or similar in the next year or so? He’ll meet his tribe there x

Poor kid - if he's not out mine is mainly gaming or mostly revising at the moment.

He needs to make new friends. Anyone else at school or his hobby he’s friendly with that he could make a cinema plan one night with? What other interests does he have, could he join a new group or maybe do some volunteering?

It's been awful for DS, he's changing schools after his exams but some of the group will also be changing to the same school. He's a sociable boy and has other friends from his hobby but they don't live near us and go to different schools so he wouldn't be in their social circle for parties and hanging around in the evenings. He just seems so lost without all the social side in the evenings but I can understand that at his age he doesn't want to spend his evenings with his parents.

Hopefully this is a phase he will work his way out of. One of those things that as a parent you just have to watch from the sidelines - unless he is an unusual teen and will take your suggestions of finding hobbies/ youth clubs to join!

I suggested to him that he could hang around with some of the girls, who don't seem to have dumped him in the same way the boys have, but he said that would be weird and also the girls go to the same parties/places where the boys are so it would be awkward.

Firstly ds had this in year11, moved schools for A Levels and found a lovely new friendship group so there is hope. Secondly ds not a party person so does spend time with us at the weekend, so will watch a film in the evening, eat with us. He does his sport during the day. He goes out to work as well and will meet friends at the beach or for a walk and now at 18 sometimes goes to the pub but he is really not a drinker. I think it is hard if they are used to a social group but I think things will get better once he changes schools, it was a breath of fresh air for ds.

Gaming
sports - martial arts, football
cadets
band rehearsals

i believed in keeping teens busy.

Some of them will be feeling unsettled as the exams finish, the summer looms ahead and new ventures in September
sorry to hear his friends have let him down.
It’s likely he will meet some new people at college.
my dd is a bit older but she goes to the gym, sometimes daily. She also does DofE and she is in music related activities.
when home she does do a fair bit of online stuff.
Could he join some sort of sports related club?

Volunteering?

Is he the right age for DofE maybe?

DD is a massive homebody - super rarely does she step out with her few friends (which she seems content with!). Things I've caught her doing as hobbies usually are watching a new show she's obsessed with, she's picked up oil pastels, scrolling thru the weareluna app, pinterest, journaling (sometimes!), playing with the dog, video games (moderately), cleaning/reorganising her room (yes, she does this for fun haha!). Most of the time it comes with something to do with relaxing.

If you're worried about hobbies you can always enroll him in a course/sport he's interested in maybe!

My DD14 isn’t into parties either and often spends her evenings at home too, especially on weekends. It’s tough when they’ve lost a friend group, my daughter went through something similar and the moodiness really ramped up.
What helped a little was giving her space but also gently encouraging new routines. She started doing journaling in the evening, and she enjoyed using the teen wellbeing app luna (weareluna.app) - I can see another mum has recommended this too above!! It helped her manage the boredom and feelings of being left out, and gave her ideas for things to do when it felt like everyone else had plans. Lots of stuff about confidence and friendships from experts, that I actually trusted reading through some of it.
You’re not alone, lots of teens hit a rough patch like this. It’s hard to watch, but it won’t last forever.