Apprenticeship but he can’t hold a screwdriver?

[Letmeuseanywordiwant]

Hi, my son is 16 and isn’t academic. He really dislikes school and it seems like a good idea to try and find him an apprenticeship course instead. I was thinking carpentry and my ds likes this idea. However my husband disagrees with this plan as he says our ds shows no talent or interest in the building industry. My dh works on building sites and he reckons my ds can’t even hold a screwdriver and there is no point in getting him an apprenticeship if he has no natural skills in carpentry. Wwyd?

We have had apprentices for a mostly office based role. They do one day in college and have assignments as well. If they lack maturity and are not interested it's hard work for everyone.

See if there are open days at local further education colleges. A lot of courses are very hands on rather than sitting at a desk.

His dad sounds scathing and unsupportive to say the very least. Perhaps trying to encourage your ds into a similar line of work as his dad in the building trade might not be the best idea. Maybe your ds could look at training to become a welder or mechanic, or something like that instead?

I have gotten him loads of help for his dyslexia @ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan , the help only goes so far and is very definitely overstated. Thank you very much for those links.

I think carpentry is a bit of a tricky one as you do need talent and artristy (unless you're doing very basic carpentry!) - my dad and a couple of friends are carpenters and they create the most beautiful things. Most of the furniture in my flat has been made by my dad and they're genuinely works of art.

What about roofing? My cousin does this following an apprenticeship at 16 and earned more than me for quite some time as a lawyer. So far as I can tell (not dissing my cousin as he and I grew up very close! But he's not the sharpest tool in the toolbox (terrible pun intended)) you don't really need much skill, but not many people go for it as a career choice now so he's constantly in demand and can basically pick and choose his jobs and set his prices.

Other friends are plumbers, electricians and floorers and all seem to do very well.

Your H sounds like a tit BTW.

Your DH should have a word with himself.

Your dad and his friends sound more like joiners, cabinet maker and furniture makers than carpenters @Andoutcomethewolves
Carpentry doesn't have to be basic.
No reason why the OPs son couldn't do it from the information given. Worth a try at least as the OP says he likes the idea.

I don't like to judge people, but honestly I really dislike parents like your husband.

If your son can't 'hold a screwdriver' then it is your husbands fault, not your son's fault. (or whoever, dad or mum, that does the DIY)

I really hate when parents blame their kids, for their own failings. "Oh my daughter can't do this..." well, why didn't you teach them? why didn't you take the steps to help them?

In my experience normally with DIY it is dads who don't really want help, because getting your kid involved is more work. So they treat their child like someone they don't want to be there, make no effort to be educational or engaging and then when the kid is bored and disengaged they say "well, he never showed an interest in it". I'm sorry, but I think any young lad can find interest in things relating to practical skills, if you actually make them interesting, engaging, are patient and nurturing towards it.

Maybe I'm wrong, and maybe your husband did his best, but your son just never cared - but I doubt that is the truth, and I would ask your husband to really look at himself for why he has ended up with a son who "can't hold a screwdriver" - I'd be embarrassed and consider that a of me and my partner (not our son) if that was our son.

Exactly, what's he suggesting.

Agreed. Why dismiss anything before they've even had a crack? Parents should have absolute faith in their child's ability to have a go and learn.

My dad does everything but specialises in fitting out vehicles to live or holiday in. Not sure what your definition of carpenter is?

The whole point of an apprenticeship is to gain new skills so let him do it and he may even enjoy it

It’s extremely difficult to get the right help for dyslexia. My youngest is severely dyslexic, left primary school with the lowest possible result in his English SATS. left secondary school reading and writing. He doesn’t have English gcse but he’s not far away. He has an ehcp.

There are general courses at college that will give him a taste of carpentry, electrical and plumbing etc. if that’s the area he’s interested in. They’ll also give him the opportunity to resist maths and/or English if necessary

I think you're on the right track. Your poor ds. I feel so much for teenagers like this. I think the specific trade involved is much less important than the trainer he is with. Ask around and see if you can track down somebody kind and perhaps older, a patient mentor who will take him under his wing. I do think 'his wing' because it would be really healing for him to have a good relationship with a man to show him that other men can appreciate him.

I think a few months away from school alongside kindness from a mentor and appreciation from people getting their houses fixed could transform his life. I do wonder about roofing and plumbing but I don't see why carpentry shouldn't be a good option.

I’m sorry but I think your setting him up to fail
unless you’ve got a bit of natural aptitude and interest in carpentry it’s going be a difficult path for him
especially the building trade
it’s hard brutal graft in grim conditions and all weathers

Carpenter is a broad term and covers a whole host of work and skills and so on. But very broadly, a carpenter builds you your house and joiner/cabinet maker builds what goes in it. Your dad would therefore fall into the joiner/cabinet maker category.

I dint know anything about carpentry, so have no idea how much is innate, and how much could be taught and practiced.

I sort of think someone with dyspraxia might struggle coordinating stuff but don't know if dyslexia would.

There are lots of apprentiships out there.

If your son has an interest perhaps he could look for something he would like.

I have found pathways into further and higher education to be too linear, and that there is too much focus on choosing a profession at too young an age. We are asking young people to decide something before their brains are fully developed. I myself decided on a career at 18 that was totally wrong for me, and I disappointed my family, and the whole thing affected me for a long time.

My nephew is going through much the same thing. He knows what he'd like to do but he as been a bit aimless, and doesn't have the support to achieve his goals.

My brother, who is my nephew's dad has written off his son, but our dad wrote off my DB so it continues inter-generationally. I can't imagine how crushing that might feel like. OPs lad has additional SEN so it must be really hard.

I think young people need to try different things out for a short time to inspire them. Work experience at my DDs school was utter shite, only 2 weeks in the entire time she was there, including Y12 and 13. We should be getting kids to do more work experience and voluntary work to see what fits.

I think school is too focused on academia and the university pathway. My DDs school invites the local paper over during GCSE & A Level results days. What about the kids who have done well in their vocational qualifications? Not a bloody dicky bird.

Why can't this lad's father use his connections to get his son some work experience? Obviously the two of them don't work well together but there must be someone else in that world who is patient and good with new learners?

I would go on that apprenticeship website and see ALL the options, not just the manual trades. It might be that something new poos up that your son hasn't thought about before. I wish him the very best.

Edited for clarification

I am with DH that if he never showed interest in DIY and craft, he probably should pick something else.
He just said it very clumsily.
I've seen people go into topics they thought they should do and be utterly miserable and change later to what they actually enjoy.

Plenty of apprenticeships around for so so so many fields. I am sure something will suit him well.

Is there anything in his world that lights him up? What sort of thing is he say, searching for on TikTok? That might give more of a clue about what might ignite something.

And your husband needs to cop on to himself.

My ds spent the last year doing a practical course at college. There’s a level 2 qualification at the end of it so there’s coursework and testing. This is the first time that I’ve seen him study for a test without prompting and his test scores have been high. Like your son, mine is dyslexic but has his pass in gcse English, science and maths so his workload at college was pretty light.

My ds is interested in DIY, plumbing, electrics and has been building flat pack since year 7, owns his own drill and drill bits… He said that Electricity was the only topic of interest to him in GCSE Science and enjoyed stuff like soldering in DT. He did Food Tech at GCSE but it was obvious (to me) that his interest and skills were practical based. He briefly considered bricklaying and welding too.

Is your son driving the carpentry idea? Some apprenticeship courses are like 2-3 years so if he’s not keen then that’s a long time to grit your teeth.

If your h and son don’t get along then are you sure that son wants a practical job like him? Did ds ever get a chance to watch and do DIY with his dad ? That might explain why he’s not had chances to explore that angle.

Apprenticeships can be in desk jobs or other industries btw.

He will learn everything he needs to know in the apprenticeship, having no prior experience or knowledge isn't an issue.

I went to vocational school a couple of years ago to learn aircraft maintenance. The full extent of my experience with tools was putting together flat pack furniture. One year course and 3 months on-the-job training and I was offered a job in a factory building wooden planes.

Actually mostly focus on the carpentry side of things now and our main carpenter dropped out of school when he was 16 because he has reading difficulties (im guessing dyslexia), started a carpentry apprenticeship and is now an absolute genius carpenter and can make anything we need.

I think this may be a regional thing or misunderstanding - my dad does all of these!

If your DH works on building sites your DS may have a natural aptitude, but working with his dad and probably getting a lot of 'you're doing that wrong' means he won't be motivated in that environment. On a training course where they are used to dealing with people with no experience he will likely be fine. No harm in trying anyway.

My friends son decided to do a joinery apprenticeship after A Levels. No prior experience or previous interest. No GCSEs or A Levels in a DT based subject. He’s 2 years in and loves it. Go look round the local colleges and see what courses they offer and recommend. Even if they don’t have an open day soon, they’ll be able to accommodate a tour. Can he organise a chat with a careers advisor through his school?