How many hours of screen time are appropriate for your child?
If a child won't agree to limits is it reasonable to stop paying for their phone? To me that's 100% a yes, but I don't like it as this nuclear option will destroy our relationship. 😢
The context is my 16yo daughter just left the Google family control group ("it says I can when I'm 13!") after I disciplined her for ignoring text messages by temporarily reducing phone time from four to three hours. She only sees me once a week for one meal, even though I want her 50/50. She is choosing my ex as there are no rules there. My ex doesn't parent claiming "I don't want her to push me away like she did with you" Due to mental health worries my ex doesn't worry about grades or attendance. My daughter was failing last semester due to staying home roughly 50% of the time. The school called me to let me know she might need to find an online school as they require in person attendance. In the end she handed in late assignments and even pulled off a few top grades! However with no screen limits she was staying home in her anxiety watching tiktok and destroying her mental health.
The deal was I pay 100% for the phone, but she needs to reasonably promptly answer text messages and have Google family controls. They were set to four hours, 30 minutes tiktok, until the non-communication apps locked. She could use WhatsApp, etc and not be disconnected from friends once he four hours are up. She could always ask for more time and I don't remember the last time I said no. This was fine for her brother who managed to have honour roll grades, extracurricular sports, and a part time job. Now in his final year of high school we removed the bedtime and eventually all parental controls to prepare him for adulthood.
I'm about to put her phone into "out of country holiday" mode (pause bill payments and deactivate while reserving the phone number) until she accepts Google family controls again. I'm willing to talk about removing them when she has regular school attendance or gets on the honour roll like she can if she just does the assignments. Or even upping the hours from four as she's older now than when we originally set those.
Honestly I assume my ex will just pay for a new phone for her and we resent me even more for being "controlling", but I want to imagine my daughter will come back to the group to have her phone work.
Which brings me to the first question, what are common hourly limits to allow our children, that feel they are adults, to flourish in the Internet of 2025?
I don't want to be draconian. It's really not about hours, if she could watch tiktok all day without it impacting her behaviour I wouldn't mind, but it certainly seems she still needs limits of some sort otherwise her personality changes into mean zombie mode. It's about hours that keep our kids healthy. What works for you and your kids?