Snapchat?

[motherboredd]

Hi all,
My 12 year old DD, very soon to be 13 is asking if she can have Snapchat.
She currently has WhatsApp on her phone which I limit to 30 minutes a day otherwise she would spend ages on the 'channels' part of it.
This is fine by her and it's been like this since she got a phone a year ago.
However, now most of her friends have snap (they definitely do she's not just saying it) so she is asking if she can have it to as she's feeling left out.
I am conflicted on this, I don't want to isolate her from her friends but also I would have preferred no social media like Snapchat until she's 14.
She's a good kid, she talks to me about stuff but definitely has potentially to get obsessed by the all appearance stuff and beauty trends.
Just looking for advice and other parents experience of this.

My understanding of snap chat is that messages delete after reading or a certain time period? Wouldn't that make it pretty impossible to monitor inappropriate content or bullying?

Would be a no from me.

It's a tough one because at 13 she can legally sign herself up for it without your permission.
Both of mine have it (15yo and almost 13) but on the understanding that we can check it if we feel the need, this is the rule with thier phones until they finish school.
She is correct that all of her friends will be contacting each other on there, my 2 only use WhatsApp to message us and family members.
You can set a time limit, turn her live location off (ghost mode) and remove the option for her to show on quick add.
Personally I believe with the right education and support, it's not the wild west that it's made out to be.
(Side note - I work with 16-19 year olds in FE and see/hear a lot of stuff regards to Snapchat, negative and positive)

Snapchat lets people send nudes that then automatically delete after a certain time. So no I would not allow a tween to have it.

My DS is 13 and has it. I created a ‘parent account’ so I can look a list of everyone he’s chatted to each day on my own Snapchat (although not the conversations). It does appear that 90% of his friends also have Snapchat accounts.

My DD has has Snapchat since she was 12, Snapchat for her and her friends is all about streaks (sending/recieving a daily photo to/from her friends). These must be protected at all costs! But it takes seconds and they aren't a time sap! She also enjoys sending silly photos to friends with daft filters on. The way she uses it is very harmless.

There is obviously the potential for it to be used in awful ways. Talk to your kid about what they want to use it for and explain your concerns to them.

My specific concerns means we've agreed that she only adds people she knows in real life. Nailed down her profile so that random people can't contact her. She doesn't share her location. She uses a nickname not her real name for her profile.
We've also had conversations about doxing from random identifying things in the background of photos. And the danger/illegality of sending and recieving nudes, about the utter stupidity of including your face in the photo if you decide to ignore the advice not to ever send them.

My 13 and 14 year old have snapchat.

I do spot checks....when I ask to see their phones, they give me there and then for me to look at. They're not allowed to be in any snap groups or friends with anyone who they don't know.

The only issue they've ever had was on WhatsApp...and they came to me immediately to show me it.

This app is popular for sexting. She probably doesn't know this, but it will be a thing for her in a few years.

Try mmguardian which will give you a report if you should know what is being discussed. Get it installed at 12 now rather than wait until she's 15 and find you've got a real fight.

Thank you for advice and sharing your experiences everyone.

I am leaning towards allowing it but with the restrictions and a time limit.

I do feel with these things, it's open to keep lines of communication open and not just outright ban everything.

It's difficult being the mum of a teenage girl and knowing if you're doing things for the best or not!!! I found it much easier when they were toddlers tbh

I agree, and I think it's best to allow things while you still have some influence and control over how they get used and can provide your values and education on how to stay safe. I feel like my DD was more receptive to these messages when she was a tween, she still listens now, but has less patience for the conversations now that she obviously knows everything 🤣

i think setting that age limit for her is totally reasonable... you could even frame it as a reward for after she finishes her exams next year or something like that.
the rule makes sense to me given what you mentioned about her self-esteem.

if you do decide to let her use it, maybe set some boundaries like not adding people she barely knows. my dd knows not to add strangers and has agreed to just using fb to message her friends for now. it's also why i only give her apps without open communication like the We are luna app.

My daughter uses this app too and I LOVE that there isn't a chat function between other users, but she still feels part of a good community of teens going through the same thing because she can read all their different questions and search for relatable ones - and she asks her own. Doctors answer them so I trust it.

You can delete messages and photos on WhatsApp so no difference really.