16 year old Son weed and going out

[Felic23]

I don’t know what to do anymore. I live alone with my son who’s always being a really smart good boy. It all changed about a year ago, he’s smoking weed and I know he’s tried stronger drugs. The weed I thought was every now and again with friends has turned into a full blown addiction smoking every day even during this gcse period. I’ve tried everything, calm conversations, shouting, writing letters, text messages trying to give him information on the damage he’s doing, He’s now started disappearing in the middle of the night. I’ve no idea where he’s going, to do what or who with. It’s really starting to affect my life and my work. I’m going to call the police tomorrow to see if they can speak to him, not about the weed but the safety aspect of going out in night when I’ve no idea he’s even gone. I just feel like this is getting unmanageable, I can’t keep him safe or stop him from slipping into this horrible state of being stoned everyday. I don’t give him money, he sells clothes on Vinted. I worry if I do drastic things like take phone ect away it will push him into dealing to make money. He’s always been such a clever great kid but he’s turning into someone I don’t know. I have no idea what I’m doing anymore and feel completely powerless.

You do need help as he may slip into the hands of the county lines people, like my friend’s son did.
As he’s still registered at school get their safeguarding involved, and contact school nurses, and police.

I can see why you’re worried and upset. Sounds like you’ve done so much to help him. To be honest, I think it’s quite normal behaviour for a lot of 16 year olds. My sister’s sons went through that stage a few years ago at that age and now have good jobs and didn’t get into any real trouble. When I was at school at15/16 yrs old nearly most of my year would smoke a bit of weed. It’s quite normal.

Leaving the house late at night must feel strange for you. I bet it’s causing you a lot of sleepless nights. I remember pushing the boundaries of going out late around age 17 and my parents not being happy. Could he be going out to see a girlfriend maybe?

Like you say, he’s a good person. There comes a time when you have to trust they are going to do the right thing. You sound like a good mum who will have prepared him well for the world. Maybe take him out for dinner and have a frank conversation about your worries.x

I agree.

Thanks for replies, he’s only at school for another week then he’s finished completely so don’t think the school will be able to offer any beneficial support. I’m going to call the non emergency police line and hopefully get some help and advice. How to parent a child/almost adult who doesn’t listen to you and is becoming an addict in front of your eyes is heart breaking- he won’t talk to me about anything, I’ve tried taking him out to treat him to new clothes ect but still was almost radio silence! He is still thankful and polite most of the time but we are just two people living in different worlds under the same roof.

OP you are better off calling your local youth justice service they will have diversionary early help type intervention for people like your son at risk of criminal exploitation or at risk of everything the justice system, early help social care might also be able to refer him in but YJS are usually quicker with these things IME

@Theextraordinaryisintheordinary he isn’t seeing a girlfriend I know that. I think he’s roaming around with his two local friends or he’s dealing. That’s what I’m really worried about but my instincts tell he’s not as he’s always asking me for money! Last night he got home at 3.30am completely stoned. As usual :(

My dd had a social worker referral to a drug advisor - she had a few weeks weekly meetings - they were very good and tried to show them how this could affect future plans- stop them being allowed into the States etc. Do refer yourself to social services- ours was caught in a town with drugs and police were involved. It’s terrifying how easy it is to go from a normal ordinary childhood into drug addiction. Wish you luck

Whatever you do, do not call the police. The last thing he needs is a criminal record.

Ok thanks I’ll definitely do a referral to social services- I did call the non emergency police line today to see if they could come over to speak to him about the night time disappearances but they basically said unless he’s in a gang or dealing it’s not a police matter which I guess I understand but obviously I’m worried it could go there and am trying to prevent that.

It’s so difficult. My dd would go out with boys who knocked at the door- we would lock the door and she would be going mad to get out. We called the police and they actually let her go with them as she was 16 and they said it was a grey area. Not helpful but the social worker we had was helpful as was the referrals we got from them. Such an awful terrifying time.

@allwillbe it is awful, feels like their in a new and dangerous world you and you can’t stop or even know the truth of what’s going on. I couldn’t stop him going out even if I tried. I don’t know what’s worse, him stoned and vaping in his room or him out and I have no idea where. Either way I’m not the happy person I used to be.

No i really do understand. Mine is now 19 and I feel has got more mature and understanding of what we were trying to do to protect her and also that drugs are a road to nowhere.. However, at 16 she would not have listened at all to any reasoning, begging her to stay in or any advice really. Just hang in there.I wasn’t calm at all but her dad was and I think calm and steady helped more in the long term than my screeching and pleading which in all honesty made no difference at all. In most cases this does pass, though I think it did really age me with the stress of it

@allwillbe it’s helpful to hear from someone who understands thanks for replying again. I feel so alone with it all. Thats great your girl has matured and understands you only wanted what was best for her. I got physical with him last night and really lost it after he came home at 3.30am so out of it and clearly couldn’t care less how worried I was. I didn’t hit him or anything just shoved him out the kitchen. I’m normally very calm, today he wouldn’t eat dinner with me. Probably the only time of day we are in same room. I think like you say the calm and steady approach is better and maintaines some kind of relationship but it almost feels wrong as if your just accepting this behaviour your not at all ok with.