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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

12 year olds behaviour

3 replies

JJ1993 · 04/06/2025 13:03

What to do about my 12 year old.
Since he has started senior school his behaviour has gotten extremely worse. He shouts at us when he can't get his own way, his friend got hit by a car and needed crutches, but instead of him having sympathy for his friend, he then demanded I take him up hospital because he has got a bruise on his knee and he thinks it's broken. His other friend has ADHD, so now he's telling me he has that so he's allowed to misbehave. He got in trouble at school, so he cried to them and told them he's upset because I'm taking him out of school and moving him into another one, which isn't true, I then overheard him on the phone to his friend saying he faked cry to the school so they would feel sorry for him. He goes to 2 clubs twice a week which was his choice, but every time he has to leave to go to the club he says his stomach hurts and he can't go, for four weeks straight! I still sent him, I looked on my Google history and he was searching up how to trick his parents that he's ill. He got jumped outside of school by a group of boys, they didn't do any damage, the police are involved, even though what the boys did was wrong, apparently my son has been provoking them, the day he got jumped he was flicking bogies at them, insulted the boys mum, ruined a science project that the whole class was looking forward to. When he's confronted he plays victim and said they all hate him, he wants to kill himself and leave home. When he starts on his sister I had a go at him and he claims I prefer her over him, in a way to try and get out of being told off. he was in isolation for having a fight with his friend, and his friend is one of the good ones, which then turned the whole friend group against him. His friend told my son's dad that my son walks around like he's tough, threatens to kill his friends, he's an absolute nightmare. My parents took my son and daughter away for the weekend by my son ruined it, constantly moaning at them for things, stayed up till gone 11, my parents had fallen asleep and my son woke them up by laughing loudly and somersaulting on the bed. I've spoken to the police today who asked me if I could bring him in so she can have a word with him about his behaviour, I've also booked a doctor's appointment. My son is a compulsive liar, he will do something Infront of you, but then lie to your face and actually cry saying everyone hates him. I just don't get it. He acts like the world owes him. He's losing his friends, but blames them. my parents are refusing to take him out anywhere. He will refuse to eat proper food, but will eat junk until he throws up, I've banned him from sugary treats, then I caught him steal treats out of the cupboard so had to hide them. He refuses to clean his teeth, he refuses to do his hair in the morning, he goes to school with bedhead and doesn't care what he looks like. I dread him coming home everyday because I know he'll start shouting abuse at us. I've got an app on mine and his phone so I can lock it, so he doesn't have access to that. Any advice or similar stories would be great!

OP posts:
Arran2024 · 04/06/2025 17:11

Hi. It sounds like you need some professional help so the GP is a good starting point. He will hopefully be referred to CAMHS or to a paediatrician.

In the meantime I suggest you Google Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome. My daughter has it and a lot of what you say sounds familiar.

It may be that your son can't do social skills because of an underlying reason and if so, he will need support. Ask the school if they can have him seen by speech and language (it isn't just about speech). Is there any chance he needs an ehc plan (if you are in England)?

Om83 · 04/06/2025 17:18

sorry you are going through this- behaviour at that age is tough but this sounds extreme and I wouldn’t know how to handle it… it must be devastating as a parent to feel like your child is out of control and nothing you do makes any difference. I think GP is the right call, maybe psychologist referral??

you say since secondary school- were there signs of this in primary? Has anything happened like him getting bullied that he thinks he’s got to be the ‘tough guy’? Maybe the level of demand has gotten higher so is defiant as a result? any signs of adhd?

would he listen to reason if you sat him down to clearly lay out boundaries? He might find ways around these of course but that’s where you need to be clear in the consequences and follow them through.

JJ1993 · 05/06/2025 09:40

He was bullied in primary and his school always painted him as the problem, but only because they were friends with their parents. The bullying has so far stopped at this school, the teachers do handle it brilliantly. I told him last night about the police, and his behaviour and so far he has been good, we used to be really close but now I think we've become distant because of the stress, I want a close relationship with him again but don't know what to do to get it back. Maybe spend some time together just the 2 of us

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