Sad she's growing up!

[Sann27]

Hi, dd is 17 and in sixth form - works hard, busy social life, p/t job - generally doesn't give me any trouble - I am so lucky! But.....I feel so sad that she is growing up so fast and getting more distant from me. I know it's normal but I still feel pushed out and envious when she's always talking to her friends but gives me the bare minimum ( yup, ok, fine etc !! ) I try to encourage her to have some family time, and she will, but escapes back to her room as soon as possible. I know this is normal for teens, but I am struggling - I feel redundant and am really unsure of my role now she doesn't need me as much. We are looking at universities, she's planning her first holiday with friends, and i can't believe we are at this stage already. It really is my problem not hers i know - just want to know if anyone else feels this and how i can be more positive and excited for her future when my brain and heart just wants to keep her close!

Oh this will be exactly me, I’m already feeling it a little - I get the one word replies and then she’s chatting for hours with her friends and she’s only 14 this year.

I think we have to be happy that they are doing so well and enjoying life, that’s all we want right?

It’s a big change in our role of mum, from being their whole world… to being the taxi driver

I'm the mum who couldn't wait for her DC to grow up a bit & be less dependent.

I hate it. My DS barely makes an appearance from his room (although still hugs me - for now!). DD9 is starting want play dates on the days we have alone (DS/DH do scouts). Not long ago it mummy all to herself was exciting. I feel a bit sad about it!

What a coincidence that I'm reading this shortly after seeing this reel this am https://www.instagram.com/p/DKXrXntTz5r/ 😭

Oh I really feel this.. my dd's a bit younger but I already get glimpses of this and it tugs at the heart. It’s such a strange stage being proud of their independence but also mourning the version of them that used to need you more 💔

One thing that's helped me is reminding myself that even if it feels like they’re pulling away, they still really value knowing we’re there... also I am sure that she will be missing you especially more once it's sunk in that she will be away at uni

You’re clearly such a loving, thoughtful mum, and I’m sure she feels that, even in the "yup/ok/fine" moments... I suggest telling her you miss her, will miss her. Maybe plan a weekend away or an activity you can do together to bond. x

Do you get any time just you and her regularly? I get 2 days with my DD when she finishes college early and has time between finishing and then going out with friends etc.

That has been a huge blessing. It means we chat without anyone else around and has meant shes really open. We've always had great communication but now she thinks nothing of telling me the gossip from college, what's going on in her mates lives, what she gets up to when she sees her boyfriend and what they talk about. I live for those few hours.

I'm so scared that she's 18 next year and will likely be moving out to uni but I hope because she enjoys that 1:1 time as much as I do that she will still make time to spend with me, just not as often. I really think having 1:1 time over the last year has really helped by my goodness will I miss her. I went to book something for next year then cried as we might not be able to go as she might not be local. It's hard but we need to remember how awesome our DDs are and that they are always welcome back to us if things go wrong.