DD (14) struggling massively with body confidence

[YourAquaTurtle]

Wondering if anyone's had a similar situation with their daughters. Around the age of 12/13, my DD suddenly flipped from not really caring about her appearance, to being absolutely obsessed with it. She went through a phase of looking in the mirror a lot, but would get embarrassed when I noticed her doing this, and now she's actively avoiding mirrors completely. It's making her very reserved and unhappy, she gets really down when we try to take pictures as a family or I try to bring this up at all - me saying "you're beautiful" isn't doing a thing and I can understand why.

I'm just trying to work out how this happened and what might be helpful here because it's awful to see her like this, any suggestions??

What’s she watching on her phone?

Partially this is normal development as per Erickson 5th stage Adolescence: Identity vs Confusion.
You might enjoy reading some basic adolescent psychology it’s actually a difficult stage of life full of hormones and questions.

Feel for you - had the same with DD but it didn't really last too long (thankfully!) I think it was just a combo of school and friends and just feeling awkward in herself - she's quite tall for her age....you're doing a great job xxx

im in the thick of that with our 14 year old.. hair up.. hair down.. hair up.. before we get to front door.. mirror check.. apply mascara and eye liner.. mirror check ( on phone) T shirt tucked in, now out now in.. like the whole world is looking at her when no one is.. join me anytime in the biting of the tongue! And for goodness sake, don’t talk about periods or ANYTHING like that cause it’s EMBARRASSING 😳- to her!

She's not on social media, but who knows what she's googling, I check her phone sometimes, but her search history is often deleted and when I ask her, she says that she just prefers to delete things as a habit.. I worry that she's looking at some really toxic stuff about how girls are "meant" to look. A few girls in her school has TikToks and are trying to be influencers, and they put a lot of emphasis on looks - maybe it's just the conversations she's having at school too. It really is so difficult to know everything.

As someone who struggled with body image so much growing up and still having to work on it now, I really feel for you. I remember hating pics, wanting to wear baggy clothes that didn't show my shape... don't even talk about the tears when shopping! I've been anxious about my DDs also feeling this way (despite being super careful about how I talk about my own body in front of them) but so far we've managed to avoid it. I know hormones are unpredictable (and moods definitely change around her cycle) but we bought my eldest (15) an app called Luna a year ago for her period tracking and we really think it's helped her. It's so much more than a period tracker as there's a section where teens can read what other girls have asked to doctors (and how doctors have replied) - a bit like a magazine agony aunt but trusted advice which helps DD realise what she is feeling/going through is normal. My youngest (12) has the app now too.

There's lots in there about body confidence and it's a really positive space. I'd recommend it, it's a yellow logo with a pink 'Luna' written in the middle

there is a parental control app called Qustudio that you can install on your childs phone that shows you everything they search on google.

So sorry to hear about your experience, but just wanted to say that I love love love that you got your daughter onto luna – we're huge fans in my household and great to e-meet another mum who has found this as helpful