16 year old vaping and drinking vodka

[Slightlyconfusedowl]

I’m sure this has been done to death, but has anyone got any advice on parenting an extremely bad tempered teenager about him regularly going out and vaping and drinking large amounts of vodka- I just found another large empty bottle in his room in the bag he took out on Monday night even though he point blank told me he’d had two beers only. He’s not stupid, though at the moment it’s hard to tell with the way he’s behaving and the fact he is refusing to revise for his remaining GCSEs, and we’ve discussed risks and negative health impacts over many years. Previously when he was younger we have grounded him for this type of thing but it didn’t have much impact and now he’s 16 we feel this is a bit less of a reasonable option. He now has a part time job so we don’t give him any pocket money - as we aren’t prepared to fund this spending. I think one of his friends must have a fake ID to purchase all of this. Am just worried he’s heading down a pathway to life long issues with vaping and alcohol. He’s also gay and only ‘out’ to us, which I’m sure isn’t helping but he’s not interested in finding a LGBTQ social group somewhere though he has some online social contact. He’s explained he doesn’t want to be out at school as he knows there are one or two people that will be horrible and he doesn’t know who might be so doesn’t want to take the risk and be ‘different’. He does have a wide group of friends, some of whom are lovely, though he definitely sticks with the ‘cool’ kids. We’ve tried so hard with being supportive and understanding, over the years we’ve supported activities like football, athletics, scouts etc. I’ve offered to find a good counsellor (he doesn’t want to talk to anyone) and also with setting boundaries and all we get is bad temper and evasion and frankly we are exhausted with it. He was such a lovely younger kid, and frankly I miss him. He's the youngest of 3, he has a 20 year old brother at university and an adult half-sister and they get on great on the whole, but they have both expressed worries about him too. Any advice welcomed…,

I don’t have a solution but didn’t want to read and run. This sounds so difficult in an important year for your DS. Has he said why he’s drinking so much? Is it to fit in with peers do you think? I have a 16 year old doing exams now as well and he has become very hooked on golf which is keeping him occupied when he isn’t revising. An activity or passion for something may help. Hope others with advice come along soon for you.

My only advice is to make sure he knows he is loved. Restrictions and sensible advice will no longer have any value to him and will only validate his irrational teenage feelings. Be calm, give him a hug and let him know you are only worried because you care.
It won't change his behaviour but he will know home is a safe space.

Thank you both, it was a real moment of despair when I posted. He is being a little bit less evasive has been doing a little bit of revision and eating a little better. Just another phase to get through as best we can I guess