Teenager with anxiety

[Kirkconnelmum]

My daughter was a happy, confident teenager until something ( we don’t know what) changed just before the Easter holidays and she started complaining of feeling unwell. Stomach aches and feeling sick. She then started being sick.
she seemed fine then as soon as it was time to go to school she was sick again ( especially in the morning).
she’s been to the doctor 3 times now - had blood tests, and stool tests done and all fine. She’s been referred to nhs mental health but they won’t take her on.
she’s now going to school but on a reduced timetable - and is sick as soon as she reaches the school.
she insists she’s not being bullied and that nothing happened so I’m assuming it’s anxiety but I don’t know what to do?
this can’t go on forever.
anyone had similar experience with their teenager? My daughter is 13.
thanks

I’d put my bet on friendship issues and/or exam stress, OP.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It does sound like anxiety, especially with the physical symptoms showing up around school. We had something similar with my 14-year-old last year, sudden nausea, but all the tests were clear. Turned out to be stress-related, even though she couldn’t pinpoint why.
What really made a difference was gently supporting her without pushing too hard, and giving her small “wins” at school to rebuild confidence. Also, the LUNA app (weareluna.app) was a quiet support, it’s designed for girls, with bite-sized stuff on anxiety, emotions, and how to cope, it's also got a mood tracker. Might be worth a try while you wait for more support. I also struggled with nhs mental health, they just really don't have the capacity. But other things like childline and mind have places to ring and (I think) online chats which might be good for your daughter too. Really hope things get better soon for you.

I’m really sorry your family is experiencing this, I went through life fine and then after an experience at uni where a house mate yelled at me and triggered a panic attack it started a cycle of anxiety that I didn’t break until my mid twenties.

My advice would be

• Don’t pressure her to talk in unnatural ways, don’t sit her down and say tell me what’s wrong. She probably wants to but literally cannot find the words or explain or doesn’t understand what’s happening to her brain.
• Try to create environments she is comfortable in where she may open up, like if she likes watching movies or going shopping. Make dates to do those things and you can casually drop in some questions.
• It really helped me to open up when people asked specific questions that weren’t related to the anxiety. For example instead of just saying “how are you feeling” “how was your day” to which I’d just say yeah fine even if I wasn’t because that’s a massive question to answer really. Try asking her “what did you learn in maths today”, which then leads to “who’s in your maths class” “who do you sit next to” “do you get on well with them?” Etc, slowly getting information that could help you identify a problem without her realising you’re digging if that makes sense.
• At that age friendships are a big thing and are fragile. Encourage her to try out extra curricular activities and make friends that way that aren’t at her school. So she has people to turn to when things at school aren’t great. Often after school activities aren’t so political and cliquey as the school friends.
• Sadly in today’s world the issues at school follow you home in your phone. I’d be extra vigilant about the time she spends on devices and what she could be doing on them. In my house (with 11 year old step daughter) she has to leave her phone downstairs at night, she can’t take it to bed with her because she should be sleeping.

However I would also continue pushing for medical testing because my cousin (17 now) was diagnosed with anxiety when he suddenly became sick and complained of stomach aches, doctors said medically there was nothing wrong but eventually he was diagnosed with Crohns (which can be linked to anxiety).

I hope this helps, just know you’re doing the best you can x