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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Son is due to be arrested

20 replies

kuromipal · 22/05/2025 13:44

DS is 17 and has been heading down the wrong path for the past 8 months or so now. This is about the same time as his relationship started. He’s had multiple warnings in college and spoken about some really concerning things when out with new friends linked to his girlfriend. He will visit his girlfriend in her hometown, which is known to be very rough. Neither families agree that this relationship is good for either of them. There’s constant trouble and issues.

This morning, I had a knock on the door by two police men. They were here to arrest DS. This wasn’t possible as DS is at college today. They asked to see his phone and described one of his jumpers (which he does own). His phone is with him but his jumper couldn’t be found. He said the arrest was in relation to robbery.

They said they didn’t need to make the arrest today if he is at college and then we all made arrangements for me to take him to the local police station on Saturday morning so his arrest goes forward and he is questioned. They said one of his parents should be there (which will be me) and they offered a solicitor, which I agreed to.

I am absolutely beside myself. I am 23 weeks pregnant so trying to remain calm but this is terrifying for me. DS father is coming over after he finishes work so we can talk to DS. His father is a police guard in a local prison.

I feel like I can barely cope anymore. It’s breaking me to watch as a mother. He was the sweetest, most loving child. But he appears to have stepped into the wrong crowd and is now the wrong crowd!

Does anyone have any advice? Thank you.

OP posts:
Briefsf · 22/05/2025 13:55

Did he mug someone?

DeSoleil · 22/05/2025 14:07

Why would he need to commit robbery? Money for drugs? Items to sell to buy drugs?

kuromipal · 22/05/2025 14:15

Briefsf · 22/05/2025 13:55

Did he mug someone?

I have no idea. They wouldn’t tell me! They said I will get all the information I need on Saturday at his arrest.

OP posts:
kuromipal · 22/05/2025 14:15

DeSoleil · 22/05/2025 14:07

Why would he need to commit robbery? Money for drugs? Items to sell to buy drugs?

I really don’t know but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 22/05/2025 14:20

Oh bloody hell. I’m surprised they came to arrest him today but said that you could take him in on Saturday. Do you think he’d willingly go with you?!

Terrribletwos · 22/05/2025 14:23

This must be a terrible shock for you at 23 weeks pregnant!

I am not sure why the police can't tell you more, that sounds very unfair. Could you phone the police station and ask the Duty Sergeant for more information?

I would be contacting a solicitor and asking about what you need to do going forward. You say your son has gone "off the rails" but that doesn't mean that he may have been taken advantage of or that he might be innocent...get legal advice.

Franpie · 22/05/2025 14:38

What a worry. If you have any funds available, use them to hire your own solicitor as opposed to using the duty one. And have him meet with the solicitor prior to saturday.

Youagain2025 · 22/05/2025 14:40

Hopefully it's not to serious. It could go to youth offenders team. Where they can give support, mentoring etc. They may be able to guide him to a better path.

I hope your OK . I get its hard but hopefully your ds will get some help. or even a bit of a shock.

stayathomer · 22/05/2025 14:43

If they’re giving him time it can’t be anything to do with harming anyone surely? Sorry you’re going through this, I know it must be horrendous but try to just be there for him x

saraclara · 22/05/2025 14:43

If your home insurance includes a free legal advice line (most do) give them a call. Mine's 24/7 and has been a lifeline. I wish I'd known about it earlier, but it tends to be hidden away in the documents.

You don't have to have paid for legal cover to access it, but if it turns out that you did opt for legal cover, so much the better.

Balloonhearts · 22/05/2025 14:45

It's possibly the shock he needs to straighten out. I do wonder if he will go with you though.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 22/05/2025 14:48

Oh OP. This is awful for you.

Im so sorry.

Some kids just don't learn until the law comes down on them. They feel untouchable until then.

I don't have any helpful advice I just wanted to acknowledge how scary and confusing this must be for you.

Astrabees · 22/05/2025 14:55

@Franpie
Duty Solicitors are the experts in representation at a police station. They are trained and experienced criminal lawyers who will also deal with cases in the magistrates court and often the Crown Court. If you instruct privately you will either get a duty solicitor you pay for instead of getting the same for free or someone who does not regularly deal with crime cases.

Franpie · 22/05/2025 15:07

Astrabees · 22/05/2025 14:55

@Franpie
Duty Solicitors are the experts in representation at a police station. They are trained and experienced criminal lawyers who will also deal with cases in the magistrates court and often the Crown Court. If you instruct privately you will either get a duty solicitor you pay for instead of getting the same for free or someone who does not regularly deal with crime cases.

It’s luck of the draw with duty solicitors though. Always best to choose your legal representation if you can afford to.

GAJLY · 22/05/2025 15:13

Oh my God, I'm so sorry. That must be a terrible shock for you and his father. I hope they fill you in on Saturday.

Ihatemondays1962 · 24/05/2025 15:52

How did things go today OP? Are things any clearer? I hope you are OK.

kuromipal · 27/05/2025 10:00

Ihatemondays1962 · 24/05/2025 15:52

How did things go today OP? Are things any clearer? I hope you are OK.

He wasn’t arrested in the end. When we attended for him to be arrested and interviewed, something had changed. We saw the solicitor and she told us the allegation and all of the details involving that.

Thankfully, it happened at the same time my son and I were at a college interview for next year. This was investigated immediately and they cleared him due to seeing us on CCTV.

He ended the relationship with his girlfriend immediately because she was seen on CCTV getting cosy with the criminal - which is why they thought it was my son. He is heartbroken but being strong in his decision. The entire family is giving him lots of extra love at the moment. This has been a big wake up call for him.

OP posts:
MounjaroMounjaro · 27/05/2025 10:03

Oh what an outcome! That got rid of her quicker than anything you could have done. I've noticed it with violent relationships where the woman will put up with so much shit yet the only thing that will make her leave is the thought that he's being unfaithful.

Ihatemondays1962 · 27/05/2025 21:14

Great news, glad it has worked out. Sounds like he's well rid of her.

lljkk · 27/05/2025 21:17

Phew for you both, OP.

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