Lazy teens

[shelle07]

Tips and advice gratefully received on mid teens who refuse to help around the house, won’t do their homework, you have to nag them to put their clothes away and tidy their rooms, and when you ask them to do anything they lose their cool with you and can be really nasty and ugly. Fed up of the battles and stress when they are virtually horizontal and don’t seem to care. Do we leave them to it and let them learn for themselves the hard way, or do we get firmer, grit our teeth, and work through the battles? Would love to hear from those who have been here and learned from it.

Don't sweat the small stuff - decide what your absolutes are and stick to these, e.g. for me I couldn't care about clothes on floor, but if they didn't go in the washing basket they didn't get washed. No food in bedroom.

Politeness in general (the phrase 'Let's try that again, shall we?' was quite common in our house at that age).

DD generally did revision downstairs where we could see what was going on, but she had regular breaks after a big chunk. Plenty of time in her room just chilling otherwise, giving each other space. She was very sporty so needed us to get her to matches and training, which helped.

Just provide basic care - so no WiFi/data, no nice snacks in house, no pocket money. Just let them get on with school & if you don’t need to then don’t drive them about.

Turn the WiFi off.
Take their phones.
Refuse to allow them to go to things.

I wouldn't accept my children acting like slobs in my house. They weren't raised with clothes and mess around so they won't behave like that in my home. And as for being nasty to you, that's unacceptable.

Absolutely do not just give up, things will go from bad to worse. Just refuse to engage with their rudeness and tell them you will speak to them when they can be respectful and civilised.

I’m intrigued to know how you motivate them to do anything. Feel like we are getting this totally wrong.

Watching with interest…turning WiFi off ruins it for everyone else, can’t get phones off teenagers without practically having fisticuffs, they don’t want to go to things as they bedrot..