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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is it normal for my daughter to be obsessed with her boyfriend?

20 replies

Snoopywoopy123 · 14/05/2025 10:46

Hello.

I would really appreciate some advice.

My nearly 16 year old daughter has been with her boyfriend for just over 6months.
He seems a nice enough young man, polite and respectful.

My worry is they are obsessed with each other. They want to be together every minute of the day and my daughter is no longer spending time with her friends or family. Recently she refused to come to her sisters birthday meal as she couldn’t bare to be apart from him. There seemed no point making her as she would have had a face on the entire time and ruined it for everyone!

if they aren’t together they are on the phone to each other.

She doesn’t even want to go on family holidays this year as she said she will be too sad to be away from him.

is this a normal phase, I’m concerned how unhealthy this is. I’ve tried talking to her and explaining that healthy relationships have space for friends and family too but it’s just the usual teen eye rolling and you don’t know what you are talking about mum.

She is working hard for her exams and does talk of wanting to have a part time job.

She used to be excited about going to college to make new friends but now just talks about how pleased she is she they are going to the same college so they can spend all break times and get the bus together. She even said she didn’t think she would want to go to university anymore if it meant being away from him!

Any advice gratefully received. Thanks

OP posts:

Travelban · 14/05/2025 12:05

I haven't had this and I have had 4 teenagers all dating. Some things you can do, although it's hard, I appreciate.

Coming on family outings is non negotiable. You could invite him as well but really she needs to attend... same with family holidays, 16 is too young to decide to not come in my opinion.

Put some rules and boundaries so she can only see him at the weekend or once in the week. We have This naturally as my teens have all been very busy with other stuff but if she isn't you need to create that space for her.

I think it's natural to want to fill their time away from home at that age but it sounds like this boy is filling gaps that should be filler with other things like study, homework, friends, sport, hobbies and family time. I would start putting my foot down. And no it's not normal!

FortyElephants · 14/05/2025 12:06

Pretty normal yes. It will burn itself out in time.

SilverButton · 14/05/2025 12:09

I have three teens aged 15 to 19 and I don't think this is normal or healthy (to the extent that you describe). I would definitely have made her come out for her sister's birthday!

Travelban · 14/05/2025 12:10

FortyElephants · 14/05/2025 12:06

Pretty normal yes. It will burn itself out in time.

Really? This hasn't been my experience at all... clearly varies dramatically!

Aria2015 · 14/05/2025 12:12

I was a bit like this with my first boyfriend. It does calm down and it is a lesson learnt when you want to hang out with your mates again but they're still peeved you burnt them off in favour of a boy! I didn't do that again!

My mum wouldn't have let me not attend a family meals etc though. She'd have expected me to attend and to do so with good grace. I'd pick your battles, but prioritise family events etc...

Lookingforsolution · 14/05/2025 12:14

FortyElephants · 14/05/2025 12:06

Pretty normal yes. It will burn itself out in time.

That’s what my dm said about me and my first boyfriend when I was 15! We ended up getting married and are still very happy 30 years later !

RedSkyDelights · 14/05/2025 12:17

I think it can be normal for girls of that age (DD has had many friends who "vanished" when with a boyfriend came on the scene).

I think you need to work out what is negotiable and what is not. If she's working hard at her school work, and planning to get a part time job, that will limit her time for other things anyway. I'd encourage her to keep up other friendships.
Was there a reason you didn't just invite the boyfriend to the birthday meal?

samarrange · 14/05/2025 12:19

This sounds a bit much but it's "within normal range". As long as it's not affecting her studies and she is 100% solid on contraception I would let it go.

Actually skipping the family holiday (have you booked it?) might come with costs, and you can perhaps sit her down and negotiate about that. She does sound like she someone who can be negotiated with, especially if you let smaller things slide (like the occasional family meal).

There's a 90% chance that they won't be together when uni time rolls around, or that if they do go to the same uni they will break up within a couple of months (there are many other temptations once you're away from home). But if the relationship seems to be a good one, there are worse ways to spend the second half of your teens.

Readytohealnow · 14/05/2025 12:24

No way is it healthy. What if it all goes wrong? She will be left with no friends and no chance of passing her exams. And a pretty pissed off family too.

Original poster

Snoopywoopy123 · 14/05/2025 13:20

He couldn’t come to the family meal as there wasn’t room in the car And it was quite a way from home.

OP posts:

Uricon2 · 14/05/2025 13:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

SheWaits · 14/05/2025 13:26

It’s not healthy but it’s more normal than most care to admit!

Original poster

Snoopywoopy123 · 14/05/2025 15:24

Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

I have the added problem that if I am strict I will just get the inevitable, I will go and live with Dad then, who will let her do whatever she wants.

OP posts:

waterrat · 14/05/2025 19:52

I am 47 and remember being absolutely like this at 16/17 with my first boyfriend

I was insanely in love...we just wanted to be together every minute ..I thought we were romeo and juliet...twin souls etc!

Life moved on i grew out of it.

Things can be normal but still not experienced by every parent on mumsnet

I'd just keep gently giving advice but let them enjoy their teen romance.

YourAquaTurtle · 21/05/2025 17:15

This is 100% normal - when my teen got into her first relationship (they've broken up now) she was absolutely obsessed, and I was worried it was unhealthy, but after a few months, it fizzled out. It's just first love, the hormones are all over the place.

One thing that helped my DD was asking a question on an app called luna (https://weareluna.app/?utm_campaign=mumsnet_share&utm_id=_1) because then an expert could answer about her relationship. She filled them in on a drama that they had and it gave actually good advice, that I thought was helpful, without being preachy, so it was still relatable for her

Anyway, it definitely is normal in my opinion - if you think back to your first love it might help!!!

pinkmamalama · 21/05/2025 18:30

As long as it doesn't interfere with GCSES! That's my biggest worry!!!

I like the idea of a 3rd party (if it's trusted giving advice) because sometimes I fear and know she isn't always coming to me and would rather she has somewhere trusted then friends or social media!! Thank you will look at Luna tonight

BrightAsALemon · 22/05/2025 08:49

Did your daughter go straight into obsession or did it ramp up? I ask as my 15 year old has just started a relationship and shes definitely in a honeymoon period and I could see it heading to obsession.

You've inspired me to have a refresher talk about healthy relationships and how a new one with a boy shouldn't dramatically change her relationship with friends/family. I find doing chats like this in the car are always good as it's a bit less intense than a sit down chat (and she can't storm off 😅), it could be a good tactic to address university as that's a big life decision shes changed her mind about?

My DD already has the Luna App mentioned, we bought it a year or so ago for her period. I might try and casually ask what she's read on there lately to see if it nudges her to use it for this, I remember reading things about peer pressure etc on there when we tried it out together so it would be a good refresher. Getting a trusted person who isn't mum/dad involved is a smart angle (I remember wanting to to the opposite of whatever my parents said as a teen... 🙈) and might stop your daughter from defaulting to "I'll stay with dad then".

Good luck 🤞

venic · 13/11/2025 09:19

my daughter gets involved and i am on the backseat, she helps his family but not hers. It has happened before so I am busy stepping back and getting on with my life, she is 41 so it is time. Do not let your children dictate you just get hurt and resentful

Musicaltheatremum · 13/11/2025 11:42

I'm 62 now but I was like this as a teenager. Awful. Hated family holidays. I had a brother 8 years younger than me so he was a pain when I was 16!

Got married at 23 and relationship before hand ok but when I met my new husband aged 55 I had same feelings again of wanting to be with them and texting all the time. Really anxious attachment problem.

My children are much more independent and sensible in their relationships.

happygertie · 13/11/2025 11:55

I remember that feeling well and I’m in my 40’s now. I thought he was the love of my life. We broke up after a year and I felt like the world ended and I couldn’t breathe. Looking back he was pretty mediocre, but at the time I was obsessed!

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