18 year old is going downhill academically on his last year of secondary school, trying to get the message to him nicely is not working.

[SpoonyJadePoet]

18YO son not taking last year of secondary school seriously, has been scoring low on tests constantly, received complaints from teachers, yet demands independence, is taking away privileges of going out and his car keys a reasonable consequence? He might rebel and say “I AM AN ADULT” or something of that nature, but I am extremely worried for him in the end.

He knows they are important. All you can do is ask if you can help in any way with tutoring etc. If he says no that’s up to him.

Is he not sitting A levels right now? I would say it's too late to try to get him working?

Too late now if he is in the middle of exams.
I do think A levels in the year they turn 18 is just wrong!
I remember the same with my now adult DDs - they passed their driving tests, started going clubbing/pubs and got boyfriends and were having too much fun.
we should bring back AS levels at 17 and these should be used as the exams to decide whether they get university places with the remainder of sixth form/A level not having exams at the end - just my opinion 😂

I was thinking this. Another month and he’s done anyway.

He is an adult.

I'm not sure your post reflects that you understand that.

Of course you worry for him, you always will, but the whole point of parenting is gradually letting him make the decision for his own life.

That includes having to watch him make bad decisions, and still support him.

If it's your car you can take the keys I suppose. Who paid for it?

There is absolutely no way you can stop him going out. You have no right to do so.

Sounds like he's checked out of education. My eldest was the same.

Honestly, in my experience, there is nothing you can do. In fact, the best thing you can do is back away and leave him to it. Give him nothing to rebel against.

My son ended up really enjoying a part time job and really respected his manager there. 18 months ago, he moved away with a friend to a new job and has done really well in the job and is very happy and living a healthy life.

Take the pressure off him, he can return to study anytime in the future. Right now just support him and reassure him there are many other options when he’s ready

I don’t have any advice but just wanted to say that I’m in the same situation. It’s v stressful!

@SpoonyJadePoet i think it’s too late for this year - won’t his A levels be starting after just term? Ime, if they don’t want to do it, nagging just makes life hard and unpleasant for everyone.

@hellsbells99 we still do AS levels in year 12 in Wales. These grades count towards 40% (I think in all subjects but I could be wrong) of the A level grade, and the predicted grades that go on their UCAS forms but there's still a lot of work to be done in year 13. It looks as if DS will have an A level paper on his 18th birthday next year 🤦🏻‍♀️