Inappropriate Online messaging

[JONOC19974]

Hi all,looking for some advice.My 14 year old daughter has a best friend the same age,and her friend has a step dad(30s or 40s)who behaves quite immaturely for his age.He and my daughter are messaging on Snapchat,which we only found out the other day when she told my wife.She sent him a selfie,and he messaged back that she was gorgeous.She then messaged him saying love you,and he said love you too.We obviously know this is inappropriate,but we are searching for the right approach to not push her closer to him,while preventing this going further.Any advice welcome!

For staters, remove the phone from your daughter! Then I would consider a conversation with the NSPCC and the Police.

I would explain grooming etc and how this is not appropriate for him to be saying to her. I would then talk to her friends mum and report to the school and police

Have you previously spoken to your daughter about online safety? If not, at 14, kids will have had years of PHSE lessons at school about online dangers. They'll have been told about grooming. They know what a paedophile is. You need to talk to your daughter, but you're not starting from a place where she knows nothing. She simply won't have connected that this can actually happen to her and that it could be her friend's lovely dad that's the abuser.

Talk about you needing to keep her safe. Make sure that she knows she hasn't done anything wrong. Make sure that she knows it has nothing to do with her friend. Make sure she knows that you're on her side, supporting her.

I wouldn't take her phone away. That will come accross to her as you punishing her. And SHE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. I put that in caps, because that's the most important message to convey to her. You are on her side. You need to stop the messages between them. Screenshot everything and then block him on everything. But you need to open the lines of communication between you and your DD. Taking her phone away would shut them down. Have more conversations about staying safe online. Tell her well done for coming to your wife and telling her about it. Tell her you're proud of doing that

Phone the police now

Also don't let her go to this girl's house again while the step father is still part of the family. Her friend can come to your house.

This is why I don’t think under 16’s should have smart phones. There is absolutely no need for it.

The friend's paedophilic step dad is the problem here, not the child with the phone. That's a different debate. And this girl and her parents should not be blamed for an adult's reprehensible thoughts and behaviour.

A child having a smart phone is a problem though, as has been proven time and time again. The only person talking about blame is you.