DS1 turned 15 last week. He's very lazy at home and doesn't even do the bare minimum at school, is definitely very bright but suspected ADD, although won't let me seek a referral because he wants to be a pilot. Addicted to his phone (TikTok, snapchat, YouTube) and when I took it off him last week, his aggression was terrifying.
Up until fairly recently, he's had the odd couple of days of being a moody aggressive teen, always taking it out physically on DS2 who's 4 years younger and has had diagnosis of ADHD for 4 years. DS2 can be full-on and irritates DS1 who as he's got bigger ( now heading towards 6ft) reacts physically. I've spoken to my GP, Family Services and school about how I worry that one day he's going to seriously injure him. Ds2 just doesn't seem to get it, that his brother can explode at times. Ds1 also says really really vile things to ds2.
This is now also directed at me. Nasty, abusive comments and I'm not in a good MH state. This morning, as i was crying, he started laughing at me. I'm seeing my GP every two weeks at the minute, at the GPs request because she's really concerned. I'm feeling more broken by the day, and my antidepressant have been doubled.
I'm a single parent. ExH (married for 16 years, together for 20 ) left just over 2 years ago, and a couple of months later (apparently) started seeing a woman from work who'd shamelessly been very clear about her intentions for a couple of years prior, even in front of my kids. She lives in the same small town.
ExH had the kids overnight two nights a week in his rented place, until last summer when he moved in with her and her DD. It's a 3 bed house (3rd bedroom is the spare) but my DC have stayed there only once. Despite my suggestions that he takes the DC away for a night or two for some quality time, he refuses. He hasn't had them overnight since Boxing Day, when he took them to his mum's for a night. He keeps saying that it'll all be different when they get a bigger house, but the 3rd bedroom, used only as a dumping room, could have easily been cleared to make room if they wanted to make the boys feel welcome. They don't, clearly. And he's under an illusion if he thinks otherwise. He earns a LOT more than her. She isn't from the UK and a close friend of mine, from the same country as her, told me that she knows too many women like her from their nation, whose ambition is to snare a successful English man, regardless of the impact on anyone else. My lovely friend was in tears as she apologised for her fellow countrywoman's actions.
I know, from before my exH left, that she has few friends, and is neither liked nor trusted by their female colleagues.
I have suspected all along that ExH is in a controlling relationship. I have told him that there are only two possible reasons why he won't spend more than a few hours alone with his kids...either he doesn't want to, or he's not allowed. I've told him that I know he loves them, so I suspect that hes being controlled and that he can get help, and in the past where he shot me down if I mentioned it, he doesn't dispute it any more.
We're divorced although financial stuff is still.incomplete, and as soon as it's settled, he says he's buying a house with this other woman.
I know all of this is having a massive impact on my DC. I've told my exMIL in writing of my suspicions, but she didn't respond.
I get fewer than 10 hours off per week, if I'm lucky. No overnight breaks, and even when the DC are with him, I'm regularly interrupted because they need something from home.
I've been in a new, loving and healthy relationship with someone for over a year, who is the absolute opposite of ExH. Emotionally intelligent, honest, open, loyal, we're very similar and a match made in heaven. He's also a single parent, whose DC live with him, full time, and my DC get on really well with him.
This is a much longer post than I'd originally planned, and if you've got to the end, well done and heartfelt apologies.
I suppose I'm just looking for a bit of a handhold, a bit of support and please don't give me a hard time because I'm already close to breaking point.