Teenage boy rant pre GCSEs

[poppy135]

So my son is 16 and his GCSEs are round the corner next week. Our relationship is ant its lowest at the moment with me feeling like a horrible police man . He went through puberty late and is only starting his major growth spurt now so I know his hormones are all over the place. He is wanting to go to bed late and have gaming sessions in the run up to his exams when I feel he should be revising. Lots of shouting and door slammming on his part at the moment. I feel absolutely exhausted and I have 6 weeks of this . Feel like I have lost my lovely sweet son. Any other Year 11 parents going through the same thing with Kevin and Perry style uncooperative sons ? Feel so alone as my other half just wants a quiet life and doesn't want to get involved.

Your job is take away stress not lay on more

I think it’s almost too late for revision apart from the odd half hour here and there. Focus on the practical. What does he want for tea? Has he got snacks and a bottle of water in his bag. How is he getting to exams? Does he need a lift? Does he have all the equipment he needs eg has he lost his scientific calculator or does he have it?
I say what does he want for tea because all you can do is try and stop him getting run down at this stressful time.
My son starts his tomorrow. Psychology. I’m biting my tongue and basically being on my best behaviour because I don’t think there is any point stressing him out further with any little things.

With your son can you give a time for turning the computer off during the week but later at weekends? I think even if you make him sit in front of a book you can’t make him study.

Maths and English are the most important. Can you check on his timetable when those are and make a note of it and suggest he does a bit of maths/ English in the lead up to those exams.

Hopefully he did ok in his mocks as those are usually pretty accurate (so I was told as my sons weren’t quite high enough for what he wants to do next.)

I have one child who counts revision as "cheating" as if you'd listened and remembered the lesson in the first place you wouldn't need to revise it. And another that thinks if you can't learn it in the two hours before the exam, you'll never learn it.

It is the most infuriating thing ever.

Op hugs, it’s so difficult! I have two doing exams here in Ireland next month, one studies, one non. Since it’s so close for you I’d just try and be positive and remind him there’s always time to get some more information in but don’t let it be the only thing you talk to him about. Try to get back to chatting about non school related stuff and throw in the odd thing he loves (eg food or goodies) to let him take a breath

How about gaming every Friday evening and up late Saturday? They do have to let off steam (provided they have built any up in the first place).

I think this is an instance where you need to step back, just a little. You cannot force another, nearly adult, into your way of thinking.

This is gently meant: a calm, happy home will do more for his overall health and motivation than constantly pushing and arguing. It should be his safe space rather than a battleground.

I cannot wait for these bloody exams to be over.

My DS has a similar lackadaisical approach and it's only because he has a maths and English tutor he has any hope of passing.

I am sick to the back teeth of checking up on whether he's revising so I've stepped back for my own sanity

It shouldn't be a battleground, but they still need guidance and motivating to take this seriously until they've done all they can.

I really don't think adults should be stepping back at this stage. Respecting all their needs (instead of prioritising revision to the point of burnout) is obviously good. But putting them in charge of deciding what matters isnt.

Make an agreement for gaming only on weekends and push revision. Especially exam
practice. This can make really make a difference at this stage.
You can still ask him what he wants for dinner and buy him a few treat supplies to cheer him up.

I would love to send this thread to the OFSTED inspectors we've just had in telling us how shit we are as students aren't engaged/aren't getting the outcomes they should etc. What can we do when their actual parents 'want a quiet life,' believe it's 'too late, ' and focus on 'what they want for tea'?

I feel your pain. I have stand over mine to make him do anything. My life is on hold until these exams are over.

I had exactly this last year with my son, it very nearly ruined our relationship, I felt fucking broken by June.

Happy to report that while he did not do as well as he could’ve and should’ve, he got enough to go to his chosen college to do the A Levels he wanted, and he appears to be coping much better with just three subjects. GCSEs are already in the past and matter not one jot.

Most importantly, we’ve got our funny huggy boy back. There is light at the end of the tunnel OP!

I hear you. It’s not even guaranteed mine will get up in time to get into the exam hall. I’ve tried everything. We’re at the stage of natural consequences I think 😭