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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DS needs to lose weight, any tips?

35 replies

Hoppinggreen · 30/04/2025 10:05

DS is 16 and has always been larger than his peers in terms of height and build but never really overweight. He is 6ft 2 with size 11 feet and is very broad in his shoulders and chest so will never be slim
However, I have noticed that he has out on weight recently and I have reduced the snacks etc in the house, I make healthy meals but he can be eating a sandwich a couple of hours later. Takeaways are very rare and we don't deep fry or eat beige food.
He has his own money so I can't stop him going to the shop after school to buy rubbish though.
We have always encouraged healthy eating but I am quite overweight and his Dad is slightly overweight but we do try to model healthy eating as well.
I know he has had some teasing at school about it and I think girls are on the horizon but his sister says he has no chance (I know she was being a bit mean there). He was recently dropped from a sport he did since he was 10 as his fitness isn't good enough. I have tried to talk to him before about it but I get teenage shrugs and "whatever"s
He finally weighed himself today (his request) and he weighs 16 stone, which I am horrified by, although obviously I haven't told him.
He has GCSE's soon so I don't want to push him too much right now but has anyone else faced this and can offer any advice?
I don't care what he looks like but I am worried about his health and what it could mean for him socially if he continues to gain weight.

OP posts:
Gundogday · 30/04/2025 10:12

Possibly he’s put on weight due to studying (hopefully). Ie, all that sitting around. I wouldn’t do/say anything until after the exams.

Afterwards, you could use the long summer holidays as a reason to take up a new hobby? Are there any running clubs that offer 0-5k courses? Or join a gym? Or just get into the habit of going for a walk along the coast/country park etc. as a family. Is there anyone locally who has a dog he take fur a walk? Or volunteer with Borrow my doggy?

Also look to see if there’s any summer camps - sailing, basketball etc. or volunteering opportunities. anywhere where he can learn a new skill, and do exercise without formally exercising.

KnickerlessParsons · 30/04/2025 11:28

To be fair, you and his father aren’t seeing the greatest of examples as you are both overweight too.
Could you start a regular family that involves getting out and about?

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/04/2025 11:31

Is he physically active?

Bikes, long walks for the whole family would be a good start.

FedUpandEatingChocolate · 30/04/2025 11:33

If he's 16, could he get into going to the gym or something like a climbing? Especially if he can go to the gym with friends.

dairydebris · 30/04/2025 11:35

It's diet, not exercise.
Clean up the whole houses diets and don't make it about him. Only have healthy food in the house, focus on lots and lots of protein.

Alternatively don't worry about it and let him figure it out himself, he's almost a grown up and you can't 'make' him lose weight.

WitcheryDivine · 30/04/2025 11:42

I do think it’s hard to stay healthy when you’re in that final stretch before exams, lots more time sitting down and the end of other things eg hobbies that end when school ends.

I agree you can set this up now as a whole family thing, start making sure the food you’re serving is healthy (lots of non beige food is quite fattening, full of delicious oil and butter and cream) and filling enough. Do you eat lots of meat? And then be ready with healthy activities for after the exams - maybe a big walk to a local high point or something to start with, he might realise that he’s lost fitness. What are his plans for the summer?

TakeMeDancing · 30/04/2025 11:45

Trying to put this as kindly as possible…if you only have healthy food in your home, how is it that you, DH, and DS are all overweight?

Exercising is great, don’t get me wrong (I do it myself most days), but in reality, you cannot out-exercise a bad diet. If I run a 5k, I burn about 300 calories—that doesn’t even burn 2 Cadbury Crème Eggs, which are 354 calories.

Xiaoxiong · 30/04/2025 11:54

We have always encouraged healthy eating but I am quite overweight and his Dad is slightly overweight but we do try to model healthy eating as well.

Agree with PP that you can approach this as an overhaul to the whole family's eating. I'm sure that if all three of you are overweight to various degrees your healthy eating is possibly not as healthy as you might think, or you're eating healthy stuff but your portion sizes are all too big.

(I've just lost 3 stone with the help of mounjaro and it's been a complete eye-opener to realise how much I was over-eating before - the quality was high, we eat almost no UPFs, home cooking almost always, but the portion sizes were always excessive.)

BobbyBiscuits · 30/04/2025 11:59

I don't think you can stop a teen with their own money from eating loads of junk food.
I remember having a budget for my meals and it was pesto pasta, and 10p toast as I spent the rest on McDonald's!

Obviously don't buy junk food for the house, but I think he needs to want to eat healthily outside of the house. If he just continues eating crap with his pals then 'healthy' meals at home on top he'll still be big.

Maybe he'll get into going to the gym? Or does he play team sport?

Hoppinggreen · 30/04/2025 13:08

To answer a few questions
Our meals ARE healthy, its eating in between thats an issue for all of us. We don't eat a lot of meat or UPF, DH and DD are veggie and I eat meat maybe twice a week. DS will not eat anything thats not meat or fish though
I have been over weight since about 12/13 really and while I absolutely do NOT try and deny its my own fault I genuinely don't eat huge amounts. Its too much clearly as I am fat BUT when I kept a food diary for my GP a few years ago when I tried to address my weight I was told that I must be lying. I knwo that I must eat too much though, not denying it. I have been considering the jabs but I am a bit scared to be honest.
DH is around 1/2 stone overweight, he lost 2 stone a couple of years ago doing Keto but it wasn't sustainable
DD is a size 6
DH has tried to get DS to cycle with him but he won't, he has had limited success getting him to go to the gym and we have a mini gym in our garage. They have said that they will up the gym to twice a week minimum post GCSE's
My joints are not good (made worse by being fat I am sure) so I am a bit limited in my exercise but I walk every day and have tried to get DS into swimming with me.
We play Badminton once a week as a family, but this has dropped off a bit pre GCSE
DS used to play a team sport but was recently dropped from the team as his fitness isn't up to it but he still plays with his friends.
We have a dog but he won't go for a walk with DS alone and is getting old and arthritic now so the longer walks have had to stop
He has no Summer plans and he wouldn't sign up for anything, he has a good friend group but isn't really a "joiner"
He has his last PE lesson at school this week and after that will not have to do any exercise unless he wants to and that worries me A LOT

OP posts:
bigknitblanket · 30/04/2025 13:21

Do none of his mates go to the gym? He’s more likely to go with them than his dad. Any boxing or CrossFit gyms nearby? (Not necessarily to box but the sparring/ training appeals to teenage boys.
Try and have high protein snacks available such as hard boiled eggs if he will eat them.

Hoppinggreen · 30/04/2025 13:27

Boiled eggs are a good shout, he will eat them so having a few in the fridge is a good idea. I will also cook chicken breasts and have them ready to snack on - I just ned to stop him making a sandwich with them!
I did find him a Teen Gym he could do on his own and he was enjoying it - he can "lift" a lot apparently but the sessions closed
His BF goes to a gym near his own house but its not easily reachable for DS and would involve lifts. I will encourage him to see if a more local friend will go with him to a gym near us. A neighbours son (late 20's) has offered to take him to his gym as well so I will try and arrange that
DS does lack confidence though so getting him to try new things and meet new people is hard.

OP posts:
HappyNewTaxYear · 30/04/2025 13:33

No snacks!

You need to be a snack-free household. No eating between meals. Nothing at all after your evening meal. A lad of 16 doesn’t need to be eating snacks throughout the day. Tell him. ‘We are all overweight, let’s stop eating between meals’.

Chicken breasts are far too big for snacks. This is crazy.

One piece of fruit maximum. Or a cup of tea.

Where does he get his money from?

waterrat · 30/04/2025 13:51

The problem Op is what kids eat on their way to and from school. It's honestly a public health disaster.

My 13 year old - just shoves sweets and chocolate into himself - he uses bits of birthday money/ pocket money - Ive even tried not giving him pocket money but then that becomes such a huge battle.

We are healthy at home but I feel grossed out at the amount of absolute UPF crap kids are eating - look in any newsagent after school and I see children with arms full of fizzy drinks/ crisps etc

The problem is you can't make him stop - he needs to understand how bad this stuff is for his health

Could you suggest to him that he saves sweet stuff for a saturday ??? Try to teach him self control?

Talk him through the damaging impact of UPF ?

In a few years he won't be under your roof so this is a better way to go..

Dexterrolledoffthesofa · 30/04/2025 13:57

What sort of things do you eat in between meals?

Radiatorvalves · 30/04/2025 13:58

My 18yo is similar height and shoe size but about 4 stone lighter. He eats a huge amount but generally healthy stuff including farmyards of eggs. Major difference is that he exercises a lot. Gym several times a week and rugby/football. He’s doing A levels now but still doing some. You need to encourage him to do some exercise… if he works out /goes for a run it will make a difference. Couch to 5k? Park run?

Candlesandmatches · 30/04/2025 14:01

My suggestion would be to start with you. Download my fitness pall. Aim to lose the lower at amount of weight. Which is 0.2 kilo a week. See what calories you get. Aim to keep your protein a bit higher than suggested - it will keep you through.
Most importantly log everything. Then you will see if you are healthy eating or not. Healthy eating in the context of your and your sons situation is to lose some weight.
Definitely don’t put your DS on a diet. But as your and your husbands diet improves likely so will his.
And walk - try to increase your steps. See how many steps you do know and try to increase each week by 500 until you are up to 6,000 steps a day.

JonSnowedUnder · 30/04/2025 14:19

I think if you've 'made' him get on the scales and spoken to an older family friend about it, he one you said would be happy to take him to the gym, you need to step back a bit until his exams are over.

Teens are not well known for taking advice, especially they feel you are bugging them. Wait until his exams are over for anything like gyms and new sports clubs. I would just stock up on healthy food and maybe suggest family walks for the moment. Walking is a great brain break from studying anyway.

Hoppinggreen · 30/04/2025 14:53

We certainly did not make him get on the scales, he came home yesterday and asked if we had any.
When I did MFP it kept telling me I wasn't eating enough, which is ridiculous and I agree we need to look at portions but this isn't really about me
We currently have no snacks that aren't fruit and I won't be getting any (Ocado delivery tomorrow).
He has plenty of money from chores/rewards so can spend that as he likes, I am hoping that weighing himself will give him the motivation he needs though and if he has to go out to buy junk he will be less inclined to. He is unbelieveably stubborn and is likely not to do something even if he wants to if someone tells him to, he has been like it since he was tiny. The best way to "handle" him is make suggestions and then let him make his own decisions.
Other than changing my shopping habits though I won't do anything pre GCSE.

Any more suggestions are gratefully recieved.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 30/04/2025 14:55

waterrat · 30/04/2025 13:51

The problem Op is what kids eat on their way to and from school. It's honestly a public health disaster.

My 13 year old - just shoves sweets and chocolate into himself - he uses bits of birthday money/ pocket money - Ive even tried not giving him pocket money but then that becomes such a huge battle.

We are healthy at home but I feel grossed out at the amount of absolute UPF crap kids are eating - look in any newsagent after school and I see children with arms full of fizzy drinks/ crisps etc

The problem is you can't make him stop - he needs to understand how bad this stuff is for his health

Could you suggest to him that he saves sweet stuff for a saturday ??? Try to teach him self control?

Talk him through the damaging impact of UPF ?

In a few years he won't be under your roof so this is a better way to go..

This is exactly it
From September he will be at College and much more in control of his food choices, I imagine it will be Subway most lunchtimes and so I am really trying to get him in a more healthy frame of mind now

OP posts:
user499978802 · 30/04/2025 15:20

I don't have experience with overweight kids, but I do have plenty with getting teens through GCSEs and A levels, and I can say with some assurance that you're absolutely right about this not being the right moment to tackle this and that he will likely lose some once he starts moving around more.

I also don't think it's the right moment to do away with snacks in the house, but rather to look at what kind of snacks you have. One thing that I always found helpful was to try to have leftovers from last night's dinner in the fridge. They were generally very happy to come home and eat, either heated up or cold, chicken or fish. Ground chicken burger patties are easy to spice up according to taste and keep in the freezer as a good snack. I make a big batch of salad dressing and keep it in a clean jam jar in the fridge, so they'd throw some greens together and have some of that.

And there might be some changes you can make to make the food he is eating more nutritious/filling - i.e. if you make risotto, try doing it out of spelt (pearled faro) or barley, which make a great left over. Boiled eggs and chicken breasts are a good idea, and I wouldn't discourage bread but swap in healthier breads. Mine loved homemade popcorn as a snack. Homemade whole grain waffles in the freezer can be thrown in the toaster and they're pretty filling with some nut butter. I always made homemade biscuits and froze the raw dough in balls so if they really wanted a biscuit, they could put a couple in the oven. Does he like soups? They can be filling and healthy.

WitcheryDivine · 30/04/2025 15:20

You say he’s got no plans over the summer - will he not have a job? I was just going to say things like being a waiter in a cafe involve lots of exercise and you get paid. Lots of other jobs are similar. What do he and his friends do together? Are they all boys or a mixed bunch? I’m wondering if he’s likely to be motivated by the thought of doing things together like going to the beach/swimming, or playing football/tennis etc.

I have to say quite a few of my male friends went from skinny to fat around this age 17ish as their teenage metabolisms settled down and they still kept eating like they had at 13 but suddenly they chubbed up. Mostly they realised after a year or two that bacon sandwiches for every meal wasn’t actually a lifestyle option.

mathanxiety · 30/04/2025 15:26

I'd recommend the whole family takes up couch to 5k or some other organised fitness activity. Join a gym perhaps, if affordable. You're all overweight so it might be a good idea to encourage each other and set weight loss and fitness goals to make sure you all stay motivated.

Your family diet probably needs an overhaul if you're all heavier than you should be.

QuickPeachPoet · 30/04/2025 15:29

mathanxiety · 30/04/2025 15:26

I'd recommend the whole family takes up couch to 5k or some other organised fitness activity. Join a gym perhaps, if affordable. You're all overweight so it might be a good idea to encourage each other and set weight loss and fitness goals to make sure you all stay motivated.

Your family diet probably needs an overhaul if you're all heavier than you should be.

Was going to say the same. C25K and do it with him!

Hoppinggreen · 30/04/2025 16:29

QuickPeachPoet · 30/04/2025 15:29

Was going to say the same. C25K and do it with him!

Unfortunately my health means I can't, although I can certainly do more.
DH would probably do it with him though
As for the kind of things we eat as its been asked I have listed a few meals below that I make regularly, only UPF there would be wraps (wholemeal) and pizza bases I think
Egg fried rice with chicken - only oil there is a bit of sesame and I add lots of veg
Med fish stew
Home made Pizza (buy bases)
Chicken fajitas
Salmon with broccoli and veg
Chicken orzo soup
Spag bol (turkey mince)
Home made chicken burgers
Tomato soup
Fish curry
Chicken curry
Grilled steak with new pots and peas

Then he will make a cheese toastie an hour later or be looking for biscuits

OP posts:
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