How to deal with DS 13 nearly 14 having a girlfriend

[Shell204]

He is my first born 14 in a few months so I have no idea how to deal with this.

My Ds has been having his pals over which included a girl. There is a couple of girls in their friends group but thos one girl was always around. I never thought much of it as it has never been just him and her qhen they go out or he has his pals round there's always more than them.

Anyways my DD4 likes to be nosey and on the way past his room said she wanted to say hi and before I could say you need to knock she burst in his room and my DS jumped up and was cuddling the girl. There was another pal there, a boy in the room at the time.

When DH got home about an hour later I hadn't even gotten a chance to say hi and he went to DS room to say hey and said I swear I just caught him and girl cuddling so I explained what had happened earlier.

Tonight girl was here again and another pal (boy) boy left and girl was still here I felt really awkward cos DS doesn't want to admit its his GF and I don't want to force him to make Jim keep things from us or make him angry but wish he was honest.

I honestly never seen this coming this soon

Hiw have people dealt with their kids having their first girlfriend/boyfriend?

I would put a new rule in place that the bedroom door stays open when any friend is round

14 year old has a girlfriend but is very open that she is his girlfriend. We have a strict door wide open policy when she is here. They play on PlayStation together and watch movies and bake. They seem so young for all this relationship stuff 🙈

See how it goes as for us it's varied in what we have allowed and how it has panned out.
Dd1's never became too intense and always fizzled in typical teenage fashion, so it was easy to keep rules and boundaries.

Dd2 on the other hand, always went way more full on and even with limited contact as she was by far our busiest child, she was always pushing for more. In that case I also insisted on meeting the boys parents as I wanted to discuss things and get aligned.. this turned out to be useful on a number of occasions. So maybe something else to look out for.

Thanks for your replies.

It's just so awkward to deal with 😂

At 14 my ds was allowed his gf in the lounge only.
At her home in her bedroom but door open.
They still managed to have sex... Heard him ending things with her later that night. I had the privilege of texting her dm with my knowledge
..

The awkwardness will dissipate in time, but in my experience some of thr worry/anxiety will or won't depending on your child and how you perceive the situation to be.

Difficult situation.... but I am sure the mother appreciated it. I have been that mother and it was a bit of a nightmare few days but it was nice to get the text from another empathetic parent.

It's a lot easier when things just naturally fizzle. Sudden 'dumping' can be quire traumatic, especially if they have a physical and emotional connection.

I had my first boyfriend at 14. It’s not that unusual! I’m 62 now lol.

I think 14 is about right. Both my DS and DD started dating at 14. Doors open at all times, tey and spend time with the boyfriend/ girlfriend so you feel comfortable with each other and have frequent open conversations with your DC.
I actually met my DH at a similar age.

They will find an opportunity to have sex if they really want to op. Make sure DS is informed about safe sex and the possibility of teenage pregnancy.

He broke up with her on the same day as having sex with her?

Sorry I know it’s not your thread but why did he end things with her hours after they’d had sex for the first time? Poor girl

If you are allowing them upstairs then bedroom door open even if he has another boy in there too.

You need to talk to him about consent, enthusiastic consent and not just about safe sex but that he has absolutely no say over any girl's body and that if she becomes pregnant he might be a Dad way before he is ready to be. Condoms and I bought my sons condoms to practise putting on before they had girlfriends.

I have said this a million times on here, when my eldest was in year 10 a girl got pregnant, declared it was the best thing to ever happen to her and the Dad was a year 9 boy. Admittedly their birthdays were less than 6 months apart but put them into different year groups. There was a thread on here yesterday where the OP admitted she and her boyfriend planned the pregnancy and she was 15 at the time.

What you also need to talk to him about is discretion, that he doesn't feedback information to his mates about what he gets up to. Conversations don't have to be face to face, you can turn your backs on each other, or find another way to communicate, phone call even if you are in the house together.