Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Friends starting to drive

35 replies

shelle07 · 24/04/2025 05:28

My DS friend recently passed his test. Naturally there is a lot of excitement about this, but I feel like they are wanting to run before they can even walk. Plans are being made that I’m not comfortable with and I would prefer the driver to get some more experience first, ie. He is planning to drive them to and from a festival 3 hours away, he will be designated driver for parties but cannot give a return time as it will depend on whenever he feels like it. I feel that we still have rules in our home in order to keep our children safe, but it is really difficult when your teen keeps telling you that no other parents have a problem with it. Now that there is a driver they think they should be able to do what they like, when they like, as we no longer need to taxi them around.

Do I need to let go?!I know I would feel different about DS girlfriend driving as she is much more sensible (due to take her test)

OP posts:
Original poster
shelle07 · 27/04/2025 08:58

My DS is turning 17 this year, so his friends are only just learning now, first one recently passed.
it’s encouraging to read that other parents worry about their children’s safety too. As parents it is our job to protect our children, guide them, and equip them with the tools as best as we can, so that they can grow and spread their wings safely. Hence me creating this post to get other perspectives first and try to see a bigger picture.
Thanks to those who kindly shared their experience and learns.

OP posts:
kissmyfatass · 27/04/2025 09:07

I new driver killed 3 of his passengers local to us. It’s terrifying

notwavingbutsinking · 27/04/2025 09:20

Those of you saying that you have banned your DC from giving lifts for six months etc. Realistically how do you enforce this, for that long?

My teens are good kids who generally sensible and reasonably honest, but I'm under no illusions that always do as I ask when I'm not looking.

For example, if they are on their way to college and they drove past a mate stood huddling at a bus stop in the pissing rain, I can't see them driving past because I told them they have to?

I understand and agree with how you can step in to disallow one off long journeys like festivals etc, but I don't see how it's feasible to ban giving lifts to friends locally.

TeenToTwenties · 27/04/2025 10:46

notwavingbutsinking · 27/04/2025 09:20

Those of you saying that you have banned your DC from giving lifts for six months etc. Realistically how do you enforce this, for that long?

My teens are good kids who generally sensible and reasonably honest, but I'm under no illusions that always do as I ask when I'm not looking.

For example, if they are on their way to college and they drove past a mate stood huddling at a bus stop in the pissing rain, I can't see them driving past because I told them they have to?

I understand and agree with how you can step in to disallow one off long journeys like festivals etc, but I don't see how it's feasible to ban giving lifts to friends locally.

I guess it depends on whether the teen still respects the parents' rules, who is paying the car insurance etc.
Though giving a lift to a friend to college is way different from driving 3 friends home after a late party.

FrangipaniBlue · 27/04/2025 19:44

notwavingbutsinking · 27/04/2025 09:20

Those of you saying that you have banned your DC from giving lifts for six months etc. Realistically how do you enforce this, for that long?

My teens are good kids who generally sensible and reasonably honest, but I'm under no illusions that always do as I ask when I'm not looking.

For example, if they are on their way to college and they drove past a mate stood huddling at a bus stop in the pissing rain, I can't see them driving past because I told them they have to?

I understand and agree with how you can step in to disallow one off long journeys like festivals etc, but I don't see how it's feasible to ban giving lifts to friends locally.

Bought him a 2 seater van 😂

notwavingbutsinking · 27/04/2025 19:45

FrangipaniBlue · 27/04/2025 19:44

Bought him a 2 seater van 😂

Show quote history

Haha smart move!

RedFatball · 27/04/2025 19:46

notwavingbutsinking · 27/04/2025 09:20

Those of you saying that you have banned your DC from giving lifts for six months etc. Realistically how do you enforce this, for that long?

My teens are good kids who generally sensible and reasonably honest, but I'm under no illusions that always do as I ask when I'm not looking.

For example, if they are on their way to college and they drove past a mate stood huddling at a bus stop in the pissing rain, I can't see them driving past because I told them they have to?

I understand and agree with how you can step in to disallow one off long journeys like festivals etc, but I don't see how it's feasible to ban giving lifts to friends locally.

Because she knows full well if I catch her breaking the rules, I'll be cancelling the insurance and selling the car. Being in charge of a ton of metal that can kill people is a privilege, not a right, and one I will remove PDQ if I need to.

Gumbo · 27/04/2025 20:01

I've been there, it's terrifying..

My DS passed quite soon after turning 17; we'd got him a car at 17, and DH made him drive literally hundreds of miles with him before he passed his test as we wanted him to gain a lot of experience rather than just learning how to pass the test.

Nevertheless, almost as soon as he passed a friend had a party in a village (with really dark narrow windey roads) and DS was the driver for several friends. We had a LOT of conversations about speed, stupidity and safety before he went - including him not accepting any behavior from his passengers that could be dangerous to his driving. It was a horrible rainy night with strong winds and I was bloody terrified the whole time ...I honestly felt personally responsible for all the lads in the car. It was all fine, but I'm very 100% sure the other parents would have been equally terrified that night.

One bit of advice for when your son starts driving is to see if he would agree to a tracker on his phone...mine did (after a couple of those awful accidents where the poor people involved weren't found for ages) and he knows we can see where he is if were concerned

FrangipaniBlue · 27/04/2025 22:11

In all seriousness though - I agree with the previous poster about getting experience.

DS hasn’t sat his test yet but I make him drive everywhere we go. I think he pretty much drives almost on a daily basis and he’s done a couple of 100+ mile drives with me.

He’s only had 8 lessons with an actual instructor who said he’s more than ready for his test because of all the driving I’ve been getting him doing.

Vettrianofan · 29/04/2025 18:39

I don't blame you for having your own concerns...I would feel that way too. DS is still taking lessons and doesn't seem to be in any rush to pass. He's recently turned 18.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page