DD15 friendships

[MN224]

My DD15 has only one friend she sees maybe once a month. They’ve been friends from primary school. She has friends in school but never sees them socially. She is on two sports teams, again friendly with the girls on the teams but never sees them outside of training or match days. She would never get invited to any parties etc, but she also doesn’t initiate meet ups.

She is a straight A pupil and has spent the Easter break revising for exams as well as general family time - she’s a great sister to two younger siblings! She is introverted. She saw a counsellor last year to work on her self esteem after a bit of a rough patch on school as she saw herself as very different to her peers.

Should I be worried about her lack of friends?? She doesn’t seem bothered and is quite happy at home. I fear she is missing out on her teenage years …….am I overthinking?? TIA

Ah, your daughter sounds lovely and it seems you have done a great job bringing her up.

Nothing wrong with being introverted - we live in a loud world so I get it. I call myself a sociable introvert. I love to chat but need down time.

She's only 15. Let her be, encourage her, she's doing great at school by the sounds of it. And lovely to her younger brothers. You are blessed.

She sounds like a chrysalis who will turn into a beautiful butterfly.

I guess the question is: Is your daughter a happy girl?

If the answer is yes, then I really don’t think her lack of socialisation among her peers is alarming.
She has friends at school. She has friends on her sports teams. Maybe she’s simply a homebody who’s perfectly happy using school and her sports as her social time and the time she’s at home is her time to relax in her own company?
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that at all!

The most important thing is: how does she feel about it? At 15 most girls develop intense friendships. Is your daughter autistic? My DS 15 is and does not have many if any friends even though he's extroverted.

Hi her counsellor said she was neuro divergent and I’d have my suspicions she is on the ASD spectrum somewhere, however this has not been diagnosed. I suppose there are similar traits to ASD and neuro divergence; being introverted is one.

Yes she says she is happy and does seem in good form most of the time. I do think there is a little of FOMO but that maybe happens us all at some stage!

This has made me so happy thank you so much ☺️

It sounds like she is going to do well academically and then get herself into a great uni where she will end up finding her people. She doesn’t need to rush being the social butterfly and it’s far better she focus on getting those grades now. Good luck to her!

Edited for typo!

Well then, if she's happy then all is good! I remember forcing myself to "hang out" with people her age because it was expected while all I wanted was to go home and read a book. Good on her for doing her thing and not giving into what others think she should ve doing.