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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Advice on handling revision

14 replies

shelle07 · 15/04/2025 14:27

My 17 year old leaves his revision to the last minute. Literally the day before an exam. Despite trying to encourage him to prepare in advance. He is scraping the grades that he needs at the moment, and never seems to learn from past mistakes. He is really touchy about any discussions on this and often lies that he has been revising when we know he has not. We never see him getting stuck in, and if we try to set rules around it we end up in a battleground.

For the sake of our relationship and our sanity we feel we have to leave him to learn from his own mistakes. It is so hard because you want the best for them. Any tips and advice welcome.

OP posts:

Cornishmumofone · 15/04/2025 16:19

I strongly recommend getting him to read this: https://ncase.me/remember/

How To Remember Anything Forever-ish

an interactive comic on the art & science of memory

https://ncase.me/remember/

Notstrongandstable · 15/04/2025 16:26

No tips but just wanted to say we are in exactly the same boat. He’s got mocks after Easter and has done nothing. Plenty of time for gaming though. And getting tough does not work either! Like you say it leads to loads of conflict. I agree it’s really hard to let go and watch them potentially fail

atesomanybananas · 15/04/2025 17:44

If he is 17 which exams are these? Lower 6th (first year of A levels?), college exams? Does he maybe see them as pointless (ie not actual formal GCSEs or other?)

Original poster

shelle07 · 15/04/2025 18:33

atesomanybananas · 15/04/2025 17:44

If he is 17 which exams are these? Lower 6th (first year of A levels?), college exams? Does he maybe see them as pointless (ie not actual formal GCSEs or other?)

Yes he is first year of A’Levels, but he was the same with GCSE mocks and actual. He ended up having to choose different A’Levels because he didn’t get the required grades. I hoped he had learned from this, but we are back where we were last year. One of the exams counts towards his overall A’level as well.

OP posts:

Original poster

shelle07 · 15/04/2025 18:38

Notstrongandstable · 15/04/2025 16:26

In exactly the same boat as you. Just wish we could see them wanting to do their best.

OP posts:

Elderflower2016 · 15/04/2025 18:58

What does he want to do next? Does that plan need good A levels? Maybe he doesn’t have incentive. Or maybe he just is still very much in typical teenage brain phase of avoiding anything difficult/ boring?

fufulina · 15/04/2025 18:59

It’s his choice. It’s not a battle for you to fight. He’s 17. Take the heat out and let him do his thing. He will deal with any consequences. The sooner he takes personal accountability for his decisions, the better.

MrsKeats · 15/04/2025 19:33

I teach A levels. If he doesn’t revise he will fail.
It’s a simple as that.
what will his plan be then?

Original poster

shelle07 · 15/04/2025 21:36

MrsKeats · 15/04/2025 19:33

I teach A levels. If he doesn’t revise he will fail.
It’s a simple as that.
what will his plan be then?

Given your experience, any suggestions on how to motivate unmotivated teens?

OP posts:

groovylady · 15/04/2025 22:27

All you can do is support when plan b is needed.
You can't do it for him.
It's really hard seeing them self sabotage, so I sympthathise.

springhassprun · 15/04/2025 22:32

It’s not your job to motivate him - I recommend reading this https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/products/thriving-child-book-william-stixrud-9780241298107

The Thriving Child

** Published in the U.S. as The Self-Driven Child** A hands-off parenting guide to nurture independent thinking and collaboration for happier, smarter and stress-free kids. 'Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do as parents is to parent our childre...

https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/products/thriving-child-book-william-stixrud-9780241298107

changedmyname24 · 17/04/2025 19:05

This resonates with me a lot as DS16 has done barely anything for his GCSES & is very resistant to doing anything. Attended one revision day & a tutoring session, other than that done 90 minutes. We even went to France for the day & he refused to speak a word of French!

The trouble is that in half his subjects he can get 8/9 without trying. And he wants to do a college course which only requires 4 × grade 4s, so feels he doesn't need to try. For reference, mocks were 3 9s, 3 8s, 2 7s, 2 6s & a 5.

Original poster

shelle07 · 18/04/2025 12:33

To DS, revision is boring and he could be doing better things with his time. Just wish we could get through to him to motivate himself.

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HelpMeGetThrough · 18/04/2025 12:43

Let him fail. Sounds harsh, but sometimes it’s the only way they learn.

we had this with our eldest, told him if he didn’t put the work in he’d fail. He didn’t believe us, so carried on and failed.

He got a “you were told, you thought you knew all the answers, but obviously didn’t”. Now you have to do it all again.

He took it seriously the next time.

Hard life lesson, but did him good.

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