Teenage relationships and gifts

[Shcab]

My partner and I (both female if that’s relevant) disagreed about something the recently and I wondered what other opinions were about it:

We don’t live together and both have 15 year old sons. Our parenting styles are quite different - she is much softer than me and her son takes advantage of this and is a handful and trouble at school. I’m not perfect but my son is an easy going teen and respects my boundaries.

Her son has developed a pattern of always having a girlfriend, going from one long (by teen standards) relationships straight into another within a couple of days. These relationships are very intense very quickly, he seems the girls all the time and so on. He’s always asking my partner for money to buy the girlfriend’s presents. Because she’s soft she gives it to him. The sort of presents he buys are things like matching pyjamas, Pandora jewellery, engraved jewellery, branded clothing (like from JD sports), so none of it is cheap. He was with the last one about 9 months but he’s started this up 3 days after getting with a new girlfriend. His mum has told him it’s too much and that he shouldn’t be doing this so early on. Then said to me that unfortunately it’s what teenage girls expect from a boyfriend these days. I was shocked because when I was that age it wasn’t a thing to give presents apart from on a special occasion, other than, say, a favourite chocolate bar or something. We’d draw each other daft pictures and leave them in bags or in their room - stuff like that.

I think her son is taking the piss by asking for money for this stuff and it’s just part of his poor boundaries, along with the too intense relationships too quickly. She thinks it’s the norm and teenage girls expect to be treated like princesses now. Is she right? Is this just what has become expected? And if so, where do they think teenage boys are getting all the money for it from when they’re too young to have jobs?

I don’t see what it’s got to do with you though? You don’t live together, you aren’t joint partents?

I wouldn't like this either. I thibk it is concerning behaviour. He needs soaking to about appropriate behaviour but also the bouncing from one girl to another.

does he have hobbies? Does he have friends?

Sounds like love bombing

It isn’t anything to do with me - it’s up to her. That wasn’t my point. I was just surprised that she thinks this is what teenage girls expect now and don’t know if she’s right - is it part of the culture now? (Along with most teen girls around here having the fake eyelashes, nails, hair extensions etc all paid for by their parents - do they just expect ‘things’ from everyone including in relationships?)

The excessive gift giving is not the norm in my neck of the woods, but the short term and move on is pretty standard teenage flings.

Gifts tends to be birthdays, valentines days etc and usually bought with money they have either as an allowance or earned. Equally if Mum can afford it and enjoys giving her son money I don't think there is an issue.

It is up to you whether you discuss it with your partner, but it is her kid so she probably wouldn't appreciate it unless she asks for advice.

Of course teenage girls aren’t one homogeneous group who just “expect” things from everyone. What a load of sexist nonsense.

That was what I had thought too.

Absolutely it’s her choice, and our parenting differences are the reason that we don’t live together - we recognise that it would cause tension and leave each other to it. She was despairing about having to fork out money for this stuff and him moving on to yet another girlfriend so quickly, which was why we were having the discussion.

I think she means ‘expect’ as in a trend of the current norm. Of course all girls are different and like or want different things.

I don’t think it’s the norm for girls to ‘expect’ this stuff, its more likely what the teenage boy thinks girls like. Perhaps giving gifts is his love language. Or perhaps the sort of girls he’s attracted to want to be treated like princesses. Who knows. Either way, I don’t think a parent paying for their son to buy his girlfriends gifts is sending the right message. It would be better to either give him an allowance so he can learn the value of money and buy his own gifts, or encourage him to get a job to earn his own money to buy gifts.

My experience of teenagers is that this isn’t normal, or expected by most girls. And it’s not something I’d encourage in either my sons or daughters personally.
Id also worry that her son is known for these generous gifts and that part of the reason the girls are so keen to go out with him.

My daughter's ex boyfriend was a bit like this. He probably struggled a little to communicate and tried to compensate by buying her expensive gifts, treating her etc... she didn't expect it but it was his 'love language'. Current boyfriend is very different. They seem a lot closer and he is a good communicator and she likes him a lot. He has bought her fairly expensive gifts for Valentine's and Christmas but not outside of that and neither does she expect anything really.

Woth regards to consecutive relationships, my youngest is 15 and following similar pattern. Ex boyfruend lasted nearly a year, then she started seeing someone else 5 months later and has been with him 6 months so far. I suspect once they have a 'taste' of being in a relationship it's quite addictive.

Thank you all, those were my thoughts too. I’m wondering if it’s him who has decided that this is the norm through watching endless tiktok etc (#relationshipgoals) - he is very easily influenced by social media and always pestering for the brands that influencers wear etc so I suspected this might be an extension of that and his mum is giving in too easily which is feeding it. It’s reassuring to see that other people don’t think this is a general expectation as it was the first I’d heard of it.