To set a monthly allowance or not

[ohhahhh789]

So I have a 13 yo son who has adhd and seeks dopamine through spending. He also constantly loses things so things often need replacing. He has very little concept of money, despite my many efforts to teach him. I’m thinking of giving him a set amount per month to to cover:

pocket money
snack money for cadets and school
replacing lost items like school tie, calculator, stationary, gum shield etc
toiletries (such as the expensive shower gel and deodorants he wants rather than the family stuff I buy)
money for gifts (ie Mother’s Day etc)(I’m a single parent)
Going out with friends

my reason for this is to try to help him understand how far money goes and that sometimes you have to make sacrifices, ie buying a £2 can of deodorant rather than £5 so you have a few more pounds to go out with etc. he also shows no remorse for losing things and just expects that I will replace without any thought of how much this costs.
currently he gets pocket money and snack money and I pay for the rest where as I wonder if doing it this way will help him to budget?
I know I will still have to help him as the impulsivity will take over and there is a real risk of him blowing the lot, he after a few months, he may begin to learn?
I don’t want any comments that I’m giving him too much, or you only give your daughter X amount etc, just views about a monthly allowance to cover this opposed to pocket money and then me covering the rest please.
ps he is up for it but I know currently all he sees is pound signs and he isn’t thinking about the reality of how much this costs.

If he has ADHD it might be more use to give him weekly then fortnightly allowance.

Go up slowly so he can’t blow everything on day 4. Only move to monthly if he has managed with fortnightly for 6 months.

That was much more useful with my two ND teens (one autistic, the other ADHD).

I think yes as long as it's 100% clear what the rules are. I think you might have to consider what you'll do if he does spend it all in the first week and then loses his school tie. Will you let him deal with the consequences of that for the rest of the month? I know I probably couldn't (which isn't necessarily right) because following school rules is important for me.

Another option is you say to him "I have £xx a month to cover all these things for you. You can decide how we spend it, but once it's gone, it's gone." Then you'd have a bit of control too and the opportunity to discuss spending before it happens. You could do that for a few months and see how it goes. Once he's got the concept you could give him more control.

I say all this as mum of a child who loves spending money and who also lost school ties/calculators/entire PE kits on a fairly regular basis. You have my sympathy!

Oh, and talking through the budget with them also helped - “this is to cover personal hygiene expenses like body spray, snack money for school, going out with friends and buying any fun stuff you fancy. I think that comes to £xx a week, what do you think?” - and then break it down with examples.

eg - bus fare £3 each time, £1.50 for school snacks 3 days a week (take in something from home 2 days), £x for spends, etc.

ADHD son found it much easier to get to grips with when he had an idea what it was all for and the likely costs. Then he could weigh up “posher body spray OR Coke and a pastry at break” type decisions.

The losing thing rule - we had to have one of those as well!

I would replace something once. I would contribute a second time. After that, they had to cover it.

This was after eldest lost 4 ties in 4 weeks.

Well this week I have him some money for the week, he spent it straight away. He learnt some more money and blew it again. He clearly isn’t going to be able to budget as he can only see what he wants at that moment. I’ll have to go back to the drawing board. He has a Monzo with pots so I could divide it all into pots so he can see how much is allocated to each thing but I still think when in the moment he wants something, he will blow it. At least with Monzo I can see what he is spending and can lock pots etc.