Long time lurker, occasional poster, name changed for this one but not sure if that will work has never done it before. Sorry its a long one and Im just looking for some support and peoples experience.
My ds1 is part of a large friend group. When he joined the group it was much smaller but several groups have merged, and within the group there are pockets of kids who are closer and ones who have other friends outside this group and float between groups. ds1 is close to a smaller group of 4 or 5. The larger group have been doing a lot of gaming together in an evening over the winter with the odd meet up to play football or to hang at the shopping centre and if last summer is anything to go by they will move on to meeting in person more as the weather gets better.
Within the wider group there is a boy who for the want of a better word is an arse. In school he is fine (although there has started to be some spillage in to school now) but put him behind a mic or a snapchat group call and he is vile. He basically picks a target and makes things really hard for them. Constantly causing arguments with the latest target, rallying others to wind the target up, blocking them playing with the group, removing them from calls, sending mean messages and lately being nasty and lying about targets parents and been derogatory towards them. Generally causing issues. This is mostly just online and I know a lot of this as I can hear the conversations and I do check social media / message usage on a very regular basis.
Unfortunately for the last month or so this lad has taken a dislike to Ds1, and ds1 has firmly been in his sights.
Things ds1 has put up with:
Banter focused on my deceased dad (ds1 was close to him)
Targeting him in games, making a beeline to kill him when they are in a game.
Sharing pictures of ds1 younger brother that he has pulled from someone else’s social media.
Starting arguments and turning it round on to ds1
Taking the piss / being nasty about my dh
Removing him from message groups and group calls
Blocking him from playing with the group. Y saying Ds1 can’t play etc
Low and high level nastiness
There has been some big arguments recently and my son has stooped to his level calling his dad a name. My response was hard on ds1 for this and I am aware that Ds1 does retaliate at times so isnt innocent by any means, but any reaction is always in response.
Things seemed to calm down for a few weeks but again last night it all kicked off again, to the point my ds1 removed himself from the group calls and games and played online with another friend who is also having similar issues with the same lad. This in itself caused the lad to start talking about Ds1 on the group chat causing more arguments. Ds1 is really worn down by it all. This one kid is making things really hard for him and it is taking toll on him, he doesn’t want to have this conflict with this kid or anyone else for that matter.
I have no idea how to navigate this with him, or for him. His closer friends are decent and do try to defuse the situation but I feel that they are also afraid of the lad turning on them. Ds1 has categorically told me not to make contact with school or the kids parents, he feels this will cause more issues, but I have no idea how to help resolve it, just being here in the background to support isn't really working. Ds1 has tried not interacting with the kid but still gets dragged.
It’s causing a lot of upset for me personally as I really feel I am letting Ds1 down.
Suggestions , hand holding would be much appreciated.