Teen boy/internet porn

[Missedthis]

13 year old DS - I’ve found a number of links to internet porn sites on his phone. Some cartoon/drawn, some ‘real’ videos.

I check his phone regularly but he’d set up a private profile, which I’d missed. I feel like an absolute idiot for this.

Ive been very deliberately not angry or disappointed and have focused partly on talking about keeping him safe, on the impact on his self image and relationships etc. I want to make sure I don’t attach any shame to sex - and to keep lines of communication as open as possible.

I have now locked down his phone so he can only use approved websites.

What else can I do? I’m so worried about what he might have seen - painfully aware that even mainstream porn has some pretty extreme content.

People will be along soon to say it’s normal, but honestly OP the things online these days are extreme by default. I’d take action to lock down all internet access ASAP for his sake. Put a restriction on the WiFi router, get the mobile data provider to put a limit on adult content (most offer it as an option), put a tracking app on his phone. No matter his intentions, he runs the risk mistakenly accessing something terrible.

Don’t leave him to restrain himself, if he’s been motivated enough to hide it once he will absolutely do it again. I can assure you in the long run you will not regret taking this too seriously or going overboard.

Does he have a dad, male in his life? Thing is for us with two DS at that age and younger they are curious and they will watch, if he doesn’t have access at home I promise you his mates will.

So we found a really grown up talk from dad about what porn is, how it’s accessed, the reality of how some of those women are treated, to flippancy of watching it and how that can cause relationship issues in later life and a an overall balanced approach to sex and women.

my DH just fell short of discussing the death grip and physical issues but he did imply that overuse can cause physical issues. Thing is for us it was the approach of they are going to watch at least give them the information and background on what they are potentially watching and how that can effect them.

I think for my DH it was a hard chat but he said he felt listened too and that some had been absorbed.

That’s not what I have an issue with at all - it’s an important part of emerging sexual feelings.

Hi,

Young people are curious, and if they won't find the answers in sex ed at home or in school, they'll look at porn.

I have completed a MRes in Sexuality and Gender Studies researching the impact of Sexuality, Relationship and Health Education (RSHE) in secondary schools on the lived experience of young people; I am currently a PhD student in Health Services Management and my research investigates the impact of RSHE on specific gendered sexual behaviours and expectations, and on violence against women and girls.

I am writing on here because as a woman and the parent of a daugher who is now 21 I have had to face many challenges in guiding and supporting her navigating sexual relationships as many of her struggles were similar to the ones I had as a teenager, but a lot of the pressure young people face today feels more violent also due to the accessibility of porn from a very young age and the influence of social media.

As a parent and a researcher I have put together a teaching and learning RSHE resource to support young people through difficult topics around sex, and frankly, their parents too. It's called All Of Us: Storytelling to Develop Critical Thinking in Sex Education and it's essentially based on storytelling and an attentive pedagogy to support the building of critical thinking in young people, as well as empathy, self awareness and self advocacy.

In this anthology of interviews 20 participants recount the most positive and the most negative sexual encounters in their adolescence. Together, we organically reflect on the cultural, social and personal factors that contributed to make each experience either wonderful or dreadful. The storytellers also share advice they would have wanted to hear as adolescents with the aim to support young people in navigating early sexual experience more safely, authentically and joyfully. It is empathic, sincere and deep thinking, and it provides a safe context to bridge different perspectives, build critical thinking, challenge harmful gender stereotypes and foster solidarity beyond age difference and including different genders and sexual orientations.

Please take the time to check it out and let me know if you believe it could support your teenage children (I recommend from the age of 14 onwards): https://www.allofusbook.com/

I really hope it helps, and please feel frr to let me know what you think.

Emmanuelle