Feel like I've lost my dd

[Neverenoughbiscuits]

My DD is 17 and in her first year of 6th form. She moved from her previous school to a different sixth form for an academic and sports scholarship.

In the last 6 months she has completely changed. She has a boyfriend with whom she wants to spend all her time with. She doesn't seem to care very much about her studies or her sport. Her room, which used to be generally tidy and clean, is now a dump. She is just quite slovenly to be honest. I can't have a conversation with her about anything much as she bites my head off. She says I'm too "intense" but I perceive that I'm trying to find some kind of conversation she might be interested in if I'm with her although she'd rather have her head in her phone.

I feel really adrift at this person she has become and I don't know how to handle it.

Oh that sounds hard, OP. I have a teenage daughter, and I know it’s really hard when they suddenly don’t seem interested in you, and are changing in ways you don’t recognize.

However, I would say that while difficult, it all sounds perfectly natural. She’s growing up. Sounds like she may be in love, or at least has a major crush. It’s natural and right that her focus will shift, and part of her maturing will be her learning to moderate that, and stay true to herself while also being in a relationship. I would say unless you are concerned the relationship is unhealthy (in that he is treating her badly or she is getting into dangerous behaviours or she is vulnerable in some way because of him), then I would step back, breathe, and trust your daughter to refind her balance after the first rush of the relationship. My instinct is the more chilled and happy you can be for her, the more communicative she’ll be and quicker she’ll come back to wanting to spend time together etc…