How to parent this?!

[MickieX]

Please help! Really struggling with Ds13 right now. He’s lost all interest in anything other than what he wants to do. He’s being rude and disrespectful at school. Truanting. Turning off his phone location so I’m having to go looking for him. I’ve had to report him missing twice with the police in the last month. I’m at a loss of how to help him? Dd15 went through a short phase of this but not to this extent. We’ve tried the gentle approach and clear sanctions but I really don’t know how to handle this? I’m having to leave work often due to him being suspended or him walking out of school. Just to add there is no problems at home or any in his friendship circle that I’m aware of either. He seems very popular and he is super close with dd15 so I think he would talk to her if that was the case. She is just as confused and worried by his behaviour. How do I deal with this? Is this normal teen boy behaviour? He’s so smart and lovely. It breaks my heart to see him go down this path. Please be kind. I already feel like I’m failing him.

But I’m only wanting him to go to school. And if that’s too much tell me why he’s struggling. School are also trying to support him and have really given him a break. I’ve kept open communication throughout. Been calm in my communication. Made an extreme amount of effort in my affection and praise of his big and small wins. Tried to encourage more family time and possible new hobbies. He rejects everything and only has time for his friends. Most I get out of him is I don’t know.

Have school referred to outside agencies for support? That might be their next step if not (eg Early Help).

i would ask school/police about possible safeguarding issue re gangs, exploitation, grooming, county lines. Do they think he is at risk? What guidance/support can they give you? He has for the moment chosen this friend over you and school. It seems more important to him so I’d want to know why. Are the friend(s) truanting as well?

Is it EBSA? Is it possible SEN but he was able to mask in primary?

I’d also look at some counselling for yourself or family as a whole, even if DS won’t attend with you. It might just help have someone external to talk to and explore issues with who is unbiased.

Links that may help:
https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/safeguarding-child-protection/early-help-and-early-intervention

https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/what-we-do/our-work/child-criminal-exploitation-and-county-lines/what-is-county-lines

https://www.sendandyou.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/EBSA-Frequently-asked-questions-updated-version-19.09.2024.pdf#page5

Thankyou so much for your advice and links. School did mention a few support avenues including early help but nothing further. I have pushed it several times but the staff that deals with this is never available. I’m hoping with how things have been this week that they have referred already. If that’s how it works? Police were not very helpful but seemingly did all they could do. We got him home Thursday with no intervention from authority which is a relief. I do think there is some very slight autism but we’ve never had any problems with behaviour whatsoever. He’s always been a happy and loving child with no challenges. I’ve been on the phone all day trying to get support and just directed back to social services. I’m honestly at a loss on how to keep moving forward when I’m getting nothing back from him or from the services I’m reaching out to? I feel like I’m failing as a parent here. All of the advice I’m finding is to not punish school avoidance. How can I be consistently supportive when his decisions are affecting my ability to pay the bills and provide. And taking away well needed support and attention for my other children.

Have you thought about counselling for him? We are just starting this with out 14 year old due to self harm and her seemingly hating us. We think she is autistic but we need to get to the bottom of why she feels like she does about herself and her family. We are going private and having to tighten our belts considerably, but our home is a place of stress and conflict at the moment and it is no good for any of us.

I’ll considering anything right now. I’m not sure he will open up though. I’ve tried involving so many extra aspects of support for him recently and he’s rejected them all but I’m not giving up hope there is someone he will feel comfortable communicating with. He’s absolutely fine at home. Loving and engaging with siblings. It just seems to be school now. I’m sorry you are having such a tough time too. Hope things get better for you all x