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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teen pushing boundaries - hell, blowing them up!

8 replies

HoneyButterPopcorn · 20/03/2025 14:49

Friends 14 year old daughter has grown from a very strong willed, rather spoiled (by their own admittance) and cheeky little girl to a teenager who is hard to handle. Well that’s putting it mildly.

Steals from parents - doesn’t need to, but does and says, when asked ‘yeah - what are you going to do about it?’

Goes through mums bag.

Any ‘goodies’ (biscuits, sweeties) in the house are eaten/hidden very quickly. So they just don’t buy them anymore.

Hides parents keys, phones, work passes - for days sometimes. Says she has done it. It’s a fun game for her.

Violent - has hit/kicked parents and brother. They have never raised a hand to her. She goads them to and says ‘and I’m gonna call social services hahahahahha!’

Verbal - proper toddler tantrum when she doesn’t get her own way (and this can be anything).

’lost’ her phone - ie hid it as she wanted a new one.

Seems to enjoy winding up her parents and brother - lies (honking obvious ones), shouts, name calling, insults, spends her money on crap food (then won’t eat homemade food) and clothes & makeup, won’t wash/brush teeth if she can help it (has had adult teeth removed).

No one else sees this - school, other family, friends… She appears to be a polite, rather shy girl. Behaves with grandparents.

Can honestly say - lovely family, no obvious ‘causes’ (no trauma, illness, bullying at school, etc etc etc).

She’s at a ‘really good’ school, doing ok (not amazing but there are some subject she’s good at and she is taking them). Has refused to go to some classes which will means the school won’t let her take the gcse (next year). She says she doesn’t care. The school would happily exclude if she becomes a problem there as they have families lining up to get in.

I don’t know what to say to my friend. Her mum is desperately ill and has more than enough on her plate. They are at an utter loss. She seems to be enjoying it.

When she gets her way she is lovely - but if she hears ‘no’ or decides to just for the hell if it, she becomes this person…

Has anyone experienced similar?

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LighthouseTeaCup · 20/03/2025 16:01

Her mum is desperately ill

She was always cheeky/strong willed, but does this current bad behaviour correlate timewise with mum's illness?

She could be absolutely terrified mum is going to die.is mum's illness discussed openly?

HoneyButterPopcorn · 20/03/2025 16:29

No it’s her grandma who is ill. She was always quite a ‘strong willed’ child. I remember her shallowing her brother when she was about 4/5 (he was about 2) and she just refused to say sorry. It was a standoff that lasted hours…

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HoneyButterPopcorn · 20/03/2025 16:30

She says she doesn’t care about her grandmother. So her mum is crying about her mum and the kid is sneering…

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ginasevern · 20/03/2025 16:33

Some human beings are just thoroughly unpleasant people. Sounds like she's one of them.

HoneyButterPopcorn · 20/03/2025 18:02

*Walloping her brother!

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Octavia64 · 20/03/2025 18:38

Well, there are done obvious things to do.

locks on everyone’s bedroom doors and everyone gets a lockable snack box each would be a good start.

then she can’t steal mum or dad’s stuff.

regular pocket money and when she runs out she runs out.

that’ll stop her destroying other people’s stuff quite so easily,

if she loses a phone buy a Nokia brick as a replacement.

any violence call the police.

crackofdoom · 20/03/2025 18:50

Yes, DS1 can be an absolute little bastard at times (he's 15). People say that imposing boundaries makes things better. Well, I suppose it does, in the sense that if I didn't he could be worse ....but yes, for him too the word "no" is like a red rag to a bull, and he too is perfectly pleasant to everyone else. I know he's stressed from school (and I'm trying to help him in various ways), but I do not see it as an excuse to treat me like shit.

Picked him up from his extra curricular activity today, listened to him moan about how unfair his detentions were. He didn't do the washing up today (he's supposed to do it every day) so I calmly told him no WiFi until it's done. "Yes, OK..." then he didn't do it. Kept procrastinating until I needed to dish dinner up with no plates, then got rude and started throwing his weight around, so I took his phone. Got subjected to a horrible tirade of screaming and swearing (next time I'm recording it to play back to him), now he's stomped off to his friend's. And he expects me to give him £20 for food at an activity tomorrow!! Little git can take a fucking sandwich.

In a day or two it'll all be fine, he'll be respectful and helpful....then it'll all blow up again in another month or two. Boundaries. Boundaries. More fucking Boundaries. I'm sick of being on a war footing in my own home. Sometimes raising a decent human being can be so hard.

HoneyButterPopcorn · 20/03/2025 19:01

Locks already on doors - she will watch and wait until she can sneak off with the key. And it’s not small amounts of money either. Even her brothers money.

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