Son with high functioning ASD distressed and anxious over lessons taught in school

[Abkbjbjb]

Hi I am looking for advice for my darling 13 year old. He was diagnosed with ASD at the age of 3 but is doing amazing now and mostly thriving in school. Transition to secondary school was a massive challenge due to severe anxiety and a lot of school avoidance. Thankful to say he has settled much better but still not overly keen on the school. So things were plodding along nicely until about 2 weeks ago when he told me about a lesson they had had in drama about phone addiction. They were shown a bizarre animation video about a kid who got so addicted to his mobile phone that he took himself to the top of a building and basically jumped off it. The teacher was ranting and raving saying look someone actually committed suicide over their phone addiction 😡. I am sorry but I find this completely in appropriate for 12/13 year olds to be discussing, what on earth does that have to do with drama?! Since this my son has become more withdrawn, last couple of days have been horrible he keeps saying he is disturbed by what he saw and heard, he is so emotional it's awful. Off his food, very low mood etc. in the same week he turned 13 which I think is a big pressure as everyone saying Oohh your a teenager now. He has got so overwhelmed with the whole thing.
Also this week in school they had 2 talks from an outside charity group who lectured them about alcohol and underage drinking etc, also about accessing porn and the dangers of having a phone. Sorry but this is just all too much 😰. He is very socially aware but is also extremely sensible, he cannot get his head around why he is being told this at such a young age. These things are just not even in his radar.....or ours.
I am petrified that this suicide talk is now in his brain.
Lastly another issue being that he was put into a smaller form class when he started the school last year and it's for kids that struggle behaviouraly, academically, socially etc. it's not the right class for him as he is much more advanced academically, they are also very naughty. So my son has to listen to almost daily lectures in form class about how they are the worst behaving class, told they are an embarrassment to the school etc. mind blowing that teachers speak to kids like that. My son thrives with happy and positive teaching, he really struggles to put up with it.
Sorry this is so long winded but I need advice on how we help him move on from this without him being scarred for life. It's hard enough being a teenager without all this added nonsense 😔

Content about phone addiction, healthy relationships, underage drinking etc is absolutely appropriate for that age group. It may not be dead on for your son, but it is for his peer group. It’s not too much - in fact it’s too little too late, a lot of students would have covered it younger.

If he finds the PHSE content difficult, ask for the curriculum in advance, talk it through with him to put him in a good place. If he can’t cope you can ask him to be removed from certain bits.

Your DS may not be ready, but probably most of that age will be, and school is right to teach / raise / explore these issues.
I would talk to the school and say how it us impacting him and ask for adjustments e.g.

• be forewarned of topics to be covered
• be allowed to step out when videos shown
• be allowed to miss certain lessons and go to library, sit at back of another class for his year, go to inclusion unit or whatever.

X-post, but similar advice.

These things may not be on his or your radar but will very much be a part of manny of his peer group.
Many of the kids he is school with will have direct experience of alcohol, drugs and online porn.
Previous poster has sensible suggestions for what you can do to help him handle it. They're not going to change the curriculum no matter what you think.
Can you speak to school about having him changed back to his original form group?

I think you need discretely to go in to school and talk to the head of pastoral care. I agree that it might be an idea of discuss topics ahead of them being presented but I suspect he might thrive more in a different tutor group. I don’t agree , as a former teacher in this age group, with telling off a whole class because some pupils misbehave.If it happens too often it demoralises those who don’t misbehave.

This is very similar to my daughter also ASC in year 8. During personal development - online grooming was the focus in lesson the accounts of suicide and impacts on victims covered in a lesson. Whilst I know it is unfortunately necessary it sent my daughter into an OCD episode of suicidal thoughts. We never had any of these issues prior to the lessons.
After many months of stress for the whole family and counselling- she is coping much better. Turns out - the lessons scared her side made her question if she wanted to kill herself, over and over in intrusive thoughts.

Having spoken to school at length - they were aware of the situation but forgot to forewarn her before suicide came up again in another lesson. Again lots of stress and revisiting the OCD behaviour - thankfully she resolved it quicker this time. But I totally sympathise with how you are feeling.

I would set up a meeting with the school and explain, they can make some accommodations and you can give your son a heads up on the topics.
Many moons ago when I was in school, we watched lots of videos about the dangers of quick sand, christmas tree lights catching fire, how dangerous pylons were.......I literally went round turning the Christmas tree lights off every year as a kid because I was convinced the house would burn down. And I was terrified of bloody quicksand.
My son has high functioning ASD so I can empathise with you but think this can be managed with the school.

I know this is about your DS and his very specific perception of these things, but you have to keep that in mind as to how this is coloured when it comes to you. I really struggle to imagine that the drama teacher was 'ranting and raving' and that kind of thing makes it feel like this is an issue with your DS mental health rather than the teachers' behaviour or the lesson content. That's not to minimise the problem, but to caution keeping focus on what the problem is and what can practically be done about it. I can't see a world in which he goes to a state secondary and avoids these kinds of topics coming up, and if it can come from a phone addiction animation, it could come from any random unpredictable place, online or in conversation or anywhere. We can't protect teens from encountering these things so much as try to give them the scaffolding to support them and the tools to manage their anxieties, whether that's CBT, counselling, medication, quiet time/space to minimise the overwhelm and so on. Essentially, focus on the things that you can have an impact on, helping him to deal with the problems, because it's going to be harder taking all the problems away. The school doesn't sound like a great fit, especially that class, but I'm guessing there's no better alternative state or private and that moving him might have its own issues.