Won with high functioning ASD anxious and traumatised about things being taught/happening in school

[Abkbjbjb]

Hi I am looking for advice for my darling 13 year old. He was diagnosed with ASD at the age of 3 but is doing amazing now and mostly thriving in school. Transition to secondary school was a massive challenge due to severe anxiety and a lot of school avoidance. Thankful to say he has settled much better but still not overly keen on the school. So things were plodding along nicely until about 2 weeks ago when he told me about a lesson they had had in drama about phone addiction. They were shown a bizarre animation video about a kid who got so addicted to his mobile phone that he took himself to the top of a building and basically jumped off it. The teacher was ranting and raving saying look someone actually committed suicide over their phone addiction 😡. I am sorry but I find this completely in appropriate for 12/13 year olds to be discussing, what on earth does that have to do with drama?! Since this my son has become more withdrawn, last couple of days have been horrible he keeps saying he is disturbed by what he saw and heard, he is so emotional it's awful. Off his food, very low mood etc. in the same week he turned 13 which I think is a big pressure as everyone saying Oohh your a teenager now. He has got so overwhelmed with the whole thing.
Also this week in school they had 2 talks from an outside charity group who lectured them about alcohol and underage drinking etc, also about accessing porn and the dangers of having a phone. Sorry but this is just all too much 😰. He is very socially aware but is also extremely sensible, he cannot get his head around why he is being told this at such a young age. These things are just not even in his radar.....or ours.
I am petrified that this suicide talk is now in his brain.
Lastly another issue being that he was put into a smaller form class when he started the school last year and it's for kids that struggle behaviouraly, academically, socially etc. it's not the right class for him as he is much more advanced academically, they are also very naughty. So my son has to listen to almost daily lectures in form class about how they are the worst behaving class, told they are an embarrassment to the school etc. mind blowing that teachers speak to kids like that. My son thrives with happy and positive teaching, he really struggles to put up with it.
Sorry this is so long winded but I need advice on how we help him move on from this without him being scarred for life. It's hard enough being a teenager without all this added nonsense 😔

I can understand with your son’s additional needs that you feel understandably protective, but most thirteen year olds have smartphones and are inevitably exposed to things such as porn, alcohol and drugs. Many young people have mental health issues. Short of never letting our kids go out …even the best parents can’t shield our kids from outside influences…they need teaching how to protect themselves and navigate all of this. They need to learn independence skills, how to say no and how to keep mentally healthy and schools have an important role to play. You only need to watch the series Adolescence…which is getting a lot of publicity atm..to see how important these conversations are. The kid in that show is 13 and it highlights the pressures upon them. It sounds like your son could do with some extra support from your GP, a school counsellor or mental health charity to help him process his feelings but I don’t think blaming the school will help as this stuff will all be in the curriculum and will benefit a lot of the kids.

I really feel for you, this would all have been to much for my autistic teenage daughter too. She is very smart but just couldn’t cope in mainstream because of the noise, bad behaviour in classrooms. But she also doesn’t meet requirements for a special school as she is academically able.
I watched her confidence and self esteem plummet once she started secondary school. Her anxiety increased and by year 9 she was attending school for an hour once a week if that.
At Christmas I took her out of school and now elective home educate her. Her anxiety has improved so much.
If this isn’t an option then I would speak to the school and say you need to informed in advance of any special talks etc so that you can decide if your son should attend. Personally I would complain about the video in drama, it may be appropriate for some but it wasn’t for your son and this should have been taken into account.