Am I being a helicopter parent?

[mumomumom]

My dd is 16, she's had a troubled past, hanging around with men, getting into drugs and basically putting herself in risky situations. Because of this I'm on high alert constantly of her being taken advantage of.

Am I being a helicopter parent wanting a tracker app on her phone? And wanting to know when she'll be back when she goes out. And wanting to check with parents if she says she's sleeping over and swapping numbers with them? And wanting to check through her phone?

I'm just not sure where the boundaries should be at this age.

No I would just say a concerned parent. As in knowing what time she's coming back and who' she is with.

I think you’re responding to her needs by doing those things. Boundaries for others kids may be different because everyone is different. But to me it sounds as though she needs more parental input in her life as she struggles with the sort of personal boundaries other young people have in place at her age. So you’re having to do more to keep her safe than parents of other 16 year olds do.

I'm sorry she's gone through a tough time.

Tracking app on her phone is reasonable
Confirming a time she'll be home is reasonable
Swapping numbers with parents when she's sleeping over there is reasonable

Going through her phone is not IMO reasonable, but very understandable given the history.

I'd work on your relationship with her and honesty between you. Listen without judging, offer empathy to her problems, only offering advice when asked etc and say to her that you could look through her phone, but are choosing to trust her unless she shows you that she needs you to be more hands on in terms of keeping her safe

I would say yes you are if she didn’t have the past that she’s had. But under those circumstances then you certainly aren’t. She needs to earn your trust again.

I don't think so but you could easily go overboard if you don't work together.

DD is nearly 18 and we can still track her, similar to DH and me having the option to track oneanother.

Swapping numbers is reasonable for staying overnight anyway. Same with knowing when she is back home.

Going through the phone - I wouldn't do it without her knowledge.

But - you also have to work on your relationship, letting her learn from the past and how to make better choices. Too much hovering and she will clamp up and won't share anything and in 2 years she is legally an adult.

Trust is earned but she also needs to see that you are slowly trusting her again and belive in her.

Was going to say exactly this. 👍