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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

15 year old SD refusing to come home

11 replies

ByBlueFinch · 15/03/2025 20:01

hi i was wondering if anyone could offer some insight as were at a total loss so basically my 15 year old SD has been refusing to come home for nearly 5 weeks now she doesnt like rules and boundaries she walked out our front door for school then got herself suspended within the 1st hour of her being in school we were asked to collect her from school she refused to come home made allegations against my partner of him so called hitting her police have since done an investigation and NFA'd it as no truth in it shes been staying with my MIL and they havent helped the situation 1 bit as no rules or boundaries there so now she loves it there and doesnt want to come home social services have been out done there assessments she even made an allegation against the social worker as he basically told her she needs to come home there is no safety concern nor safeguarding concern in which she wasnt happy about shes saying if shes forced home shel just run away the police have said shes free to come home social services have put it in there assessment she is to come home we have a family support worker who has said she can only try which isnt exactly helpful she has no reason to not return dad sat with her and calmly had a conversation on what she wants to happen when she came home she jad a few requests which he agreed to as long as she kept her head down at school and didnt treat him like crap as she does and they was fine then the next day shed been in touch with bio mom who has made everything 10X worse and told her she doesnt need to listen to social services she can do as she pleases basically and now she has blocked us both and refusing to speak to us

OP posts:
MJBear · 15/03/2025 20:08

Just be patient. You are not in control.

and mum is correct. Child’s 15 and can make her own decisions so long as she is not a danger

you need to let this play out. Control the controllables. Control your response.

you love her unconditionally and are here for her if and when she needs you.

jollygoose · 15/03/2025 20:08

Sorry to sound flippant but I can't help feeling you should leave her there and enjoy the peace.

MJBear · 15/03/2025 20:09

Also. Kids treat adults like shit when that is now they have either been treated or seen their parent be treated.

what’s happened here?

ByBlueFinch · 15/03/2025 20:11

when with bio mom she witnessed a lot of violence and was subjected to violence from
mom she was removed by social services 3 years ago and placed with us weve tried to get her to work with CAHMs with no joy shes just kept refusing to work with them

OP posts:
ByBlueFinch · 15/03/2025 20:13

not going to lie i would as we have 2 younger children at home witnessing it but partner is adamant not to give up

OP posts:
MyDeepPlayer · 15/03/2025 20:15

If your MIL is prepared to have her stay there then maybe it is the best place for her in the short term. I can't see how you can physically force her to return to you house or prevent her from running away. If she did that then police etc will be put to a load of work. I'd play a longer game. Keep in contact. Being with MIL is better than council run care.

Msmoonpie · 15/03/2025 20:17

I very much doubt social services can make her as long as her current environment is safe.

I would be patient and leave it for a bit.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/03/2025 20:19

There is literally nothing you can do to force her to live with you and her father, she will just keep running away.
The only thing you can realistically do is let her know your door is always open and that you want her home and then wait.

Scutterbug · 15/03/2025 20:21

Honestly? You need to step back and tell her she can stay with MIL for now. She will be loving the attention and the battle so take that away.

TheAlertFinch · 15/03/2025 20:23

If she's happy and safe with MiL then leave her be for a while. Let her know she can come home any time she likes and then back off for now.

TheFunnyPinkWriter · 17/03/2025 13:18

MJBear · 15/03/2025 20:09

Also. Kids treat adults like shit when that is now they have either been treated or seen their parent be treated.

what’s happened here?

Sorry but that is ridiculous!
(Most) Teenagers treat thier parents badly to work through their own emotions! It's called safe-space emotional regulation and is a completely normal thing to do, toddlers also do this but we call it a temper-tantrum.

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