Holiday camp for lonely teen

[tostaky]

I have three teens and my middle child is definitely less outgoing than his siblings.
he spends far too long alone in his bedroom, doesnt have many friends (if at all). Is not into gaming or sports. To say the least, we worry about him!
i cannot cope with the idea of him spending two weeks at easter alone in his bedroom playing mindless games, whiles his two siblings are out and about and having fun.
short of organising playdates for him, im thinking about a holiday camp i could send him to for a week.
any recommendations ? Any tips? Or other ideas? I would like him to socialise and have some fun, thats all.
school is ok and he is the kind of boy that doesnt get noticed, he is academic though.

Would he enjoy that or would it be his idea of hell? Is he an introvert? It might be better to find out what he actually wants to do. You can have some hard lines like physical activity, leaving the house, etc.

Would a morning swim each day plus 2 afternoon activities (cinema, museum, art gallery, etc.) alleviate your concern?

Dont you think a holiday camp would be torture for an introverted kid?

I just think that something organised, that takes away the stress of organising an activity, finding other people to do it with would be good…

when i tell him to get out of the house, he takes things literally, goes around the block in 5 mins and comes back.
at the same time i dont want to push him out and say “dont come back before one hour”…

Is he introverted? Not sure, he is a bit nerdy and intellectual. He had friends in primary but when he moved to secondary school, they made new friends and he didnt. He’s be alone since… it is heartbreaking

Coding sailing

Any Warhammer groups near you? That can work well for slightly nerdy kids! Or other gaming groups like Pokemon, Yu Gi Oh etc?

Warhammer is also good for doing something creative as they build and paint the army figures, before they play a game.

Techcamp?

Would this suit?

https://www.techcamp.org.uk/?fbclid=IwY2xjawI9omJleHRuA2FlbQEwAGFkaWQBqxoNdoAMkAEdYU4TPQMj975gWegnODLrSCA9bso67-lyghJKqBXI7OzQ6BUtKf2QGGaemO6-mYB9mnR6DP5QixDjC3Q

I would start by limiting his access to devices/wifi to just a few of hours a day. Those mindless games he's playing are meant to suck us in and keep us addicted, so remove the drug and give him time to get bored. He'll find ways to fill his days that are healthier - friends, outings, hanging out with the family - and over time he'll discover other things that he likes. I'm not sure sending to camp is the way to go though; that could be exhausting for an introvert. Start small - limit his online time.

Is he unhappy? My daughter is more of an introvert than me (or her brother) and she needs lots of down time.

What about dungeons and dragons? Some of the libraries and book stores around me run clubs. My kids play with some family friends and it's lovely and low pressure as it's all just fantasy.

My daughter does a week at art camp every summer and loves it - she doesn't make friends as she doesn't really speak to strangers, but she's perfectly happy creating things in a calm environment. She also likes bouldering as it's not a group activity as such. Really hates any sort of team anything.

How about something like coding club? Or an outdoor activity which doesn't involve much interaction, like kayaking. It's great for introverts. You get to be out on the water, in fresh air in a group, but no small talk. Cycling club could be similar. Neither of these need you to be any good at sports.

When my academic, non sporty DC went through that awkward teen stage of having no social life or interests, I tried to do one day at home, one day out of the house during holidays, if they weren't in a holiday club. So, ons day on screens in their rooms, but next day a hike or trip to an exhibition in town.

You could encourage him to ask a few of the other less sporty and sociable boys in his year if they want to go to the cinema or come over yo have pizza and game. There's always more of those boys than you realise, who are shy and happy to meet up.

Look I am introverted too and if you had taken away my books (games) I still wouldn't have become more social or left my room. I was happy and am still happy now gaming and so on. I still don't really go out much.

Part of this is accepting he isn't like your other kids and if you force this he will likely be unhappy and resent you. Why don't you start by talking to him and see what he feels?

A holiday club would have been actual torture for me. I was sent once and sat in the corner all day and spoke to no one. FWIW I have also had more fun and engagement with other people on games than I ever have in real life. Met my partner and best friends on discord for a game

I agree with others about finding things he likes and pushing him towards them. Does your school have clubs he can join on things he is interested in? Have you spoken to the well-being officer? Our school has a well-being room the nerdy kids hang out in in break? Are there groups in your local area he could join?
You need to find ways to expand his social horizons. It will do him good to be around other people doing something he likes. He may form friends that way, but even if he doesn’t, it will still do him good to have that interest and social contact.

People on this thread keep saying he is an introvert, but OP has said she doesn’t know if he is.

Some people are not introverts, they just have not managed to make friends and are lonely.

High school can be tough. It’s easy to get left out of ‘groups’ that form and very hard to get into one once they are established.

There is nothing like gaining a new skill to give confidence. Fortunately the age of son he will continue to set a gaming because it's easiest default I would already be starting a conversation about putting down the devices for a period during the day and doing something else Developing skills for the future

Thanks for all your messages. He says he doesnt like anything, theres nothing he wants to do and it is weird to ask people to do things (cinemas/pizzas and so on). He goes to tennis once a week but says noone is playing outside the lesson. He plays football at lunchtime at school, but he says no-one is going to Powerleague at the week d or after school. I tell that his ilder brother does go to powerleague so i know people do that but he says not in his year group… he is very negative. I worry he is a bit depressed but he refuses to see a psychotherapist.
i have told him that sometimes we can start something thats just ok and it may turn out to be great in ways we might not have expected… he was left unconvinced.
i like the suggestion of one thing a day out of the house. And one thing in the house. He said today (his school is on strike so he is home) he is going to go around the park for a walk and then cook something for the family (DoE cooking skill).

i wonder if changing him form might help? He is in Y10… maybe after Easter or for September, to allow him to make new friends? Or would it be too disruptive? He wants to go to a different 6th form so that will create new opportunities as well.

He does sound quite depressed. Which is understandable. It must be especially hard if his siblings have friends and go out.

I think it’s really positive that he is going to a different sixth form and I hope that works out for him.

I’d be tempted to bribe him with money to try new things to see if he likes any! But it’s not long to sixth form, so maybe not. It’s a tough balance isn’t? I hope he finds his tribe and his thing at sixth form
I really feel for him, and you OP. It must be tough for you.