?pda ?adhd ? Just teen behaviour

[Frazzled1985]

Hi
so I have a 13 year old daughter, she struggles with anxiety,
when she is anxious or gets stressed or something doesn’t agree with her she will have massive screaming meltdowns, push and slap and throw things like hairbrushes at me, it’s like a switch flips,
she’s hyper at night and we’ve had issues with binge eating.

i feel like an awful parent and she’s a lovely kid and i adore her but i feel like I’m failing,
todays outburst made me sob,

i have adhd and struggle bad.

anyone else’s teen like this?

no one seems to want to help because at school she’s quiet.

I know this checklist is aimed at younger children, but does it ring true of her/ her when she was younger? Autism in Girls Checklist Her meltdowns sound like what my ASD daughter has, especially if she's quiet in school as she might be masking

This sounds very much like my daughter. Also 13 and has ADHD/ anxiety. Masks all day at school (when she goes, but that's another story) and then gets extremely angry/ aggressive as soon as she's around me. I'm learning to accept it's her mental illness that causes it, and I am her safe space to release. But it's so so hard. I would push very hard for a diagnosis and then wait (probably a very very long time) for support. Also I tend to walk away when she acts like this although at the moment the outbursts have been so severe I've had to ask for help from school/ family intervention services

Thank you for your replies,

I don't know where to turn tbh, school don't see it as they just say she's very quiet,
Her dad doesn't see a lot of it as he's always at work, so I don't think people believe me tbh,

I don't know wether I'm just a rubbish parent, I have adhd myself inattentive presentation and other mental health issues,
I'm trying to be there for my elderly m and try to hold down a full time Monday to Friday job and keep a house afloat which I'm not doing well tbh.

I'm exhausted and broken and just want to go to sleep.

Sorry for posting on here I don't want to burden friends family or colleagues but I also feel alone x

The genetic inheritance likelihood is significant. So you aren't a bad parent.

It's very difficult to access assessments. In a situation where the dad and school have little to say, you'll be rejected or waiting years I believe.

I ended up going privately as was in the same position where no one else would support it. NHS refused to assess.

Thankyou I may look into that,

Yesterdays meltdown was all because I said she couldn't have a rice crispy cake as she is recovering from gastritis and I didn't want her to have a flare of pain,

That's all I said and the meltdown emerged shoving slapping throwing things, then launching a hairbrush at my head,

I know teens can be volition but is this normal level volatile?
Or do I deffo need to speak to someone?

Also that's an other thing if I take her to talk to someone she will just shut down x

If you have ADHD then there's a good chance she is ND too. Eating disorders are very common with ASD/ADHD.

She could be nd but teenage temper tantrums are also very common, it's a control thing, dealing with hormones etc. my dd is nd, diagnosed at 2 with asd and the teen years were very difficult but now well into her 20's she is calm, understanding, a model daughter, still autistic but the behavioural issues went away, gradually but by 16 things were improving a lot, and so on, 13/14 was the worst period

This sounds very much like my friend's ADHD teen daughter. Masking at school is so common.