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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DD upset by her friend vaping

7 replies

MrsDThaskala · 10/03/2025 21:49

Teen DD is a good all round kid so far. Works hard in school, has a good group of friends and from what Ive seen tonight, a strong moral compass. I would say we have rules but not overly conservative or strict. It sounds silly I guess, but she's just told me she's upset as she's found out one of her friends has started vaping. She is upset that her friend has done this in secret at school. I mean, my husband smokes cigarettes so it's not like we've said it's taboo. I was surprised that she was so upset. Fair enough. She thought she should tell a teacher. We've said that it's just her friend acting out. That she shouldn't tell the teacher as what can they really do. Im just not sure what's the right advise to give her. DH said that that's just life and some friends will smoke/drink/ and generally get Up to nonsense but she shouldn't get upset or stop being friends with them. I think that because she's generally a good kid, she's just a bit shocked and upset. I think she's worried for her friend. You read lots of stories on mumsnet so I know this sounds minor, but Im mainly looking for what advise you would give your teen.

OP posts:
LemonTraybake · 11/03/2025 04:58

I would advise my child about involving a teacher, and have them talk to their friend about their concerns. Peers are a much larger influence than parents/teachers at this age and your daughter's friend may register what your daughter is saying. Or she may not.

BlondiePortz · 11/03/2025 05:01

I never smoked but some of my friends did, it really is on her what she does and yes your child can be concerned but these days there seems to be a lot of people thinking they have the right to convince people they have to think like them and do as they say so not sure that is healthy either

there is concern and there is control

LemonTraybake · 11/03/2025 06:05

LemonTraybake · 11/03/2025 04:58

I would advise my child about involving a teacher, and have them talk to their friend about their concerns. Peers are a much larger influence than parents/teachers at this age and your daughter's friend may register what your daughter is saying. Or she may not.

This should read advise AGAINST telling a teacher. Sorry, it was early!

ShillyShallySherbet · 11/03/2025 06:22

I remember being very like your daughter when my best friend started smoking when we were about 13. She’d sneak off at break times with others to do it and I’d be so upset. I think I once even used the words “you have to choose, either your ash tray or me!” I cringe now when I think about it. Haha! Somehow we remained friends into our 20s, long enough for me to start to see her struggling to give it up. I wonder if she ever did. I think your husband’s advice is spot on. I remember feeling like it would drive a wedge between us when she first started because I was so against it (even though my mum smoked, or maybe because my mum smoked) but in reality after a while I stopped noticing she even did it.

melonalone · 11/03/2025 06:32

Tell her to keep out of it. It’s none of her business and telling the teacher is an easy way to end up with no friends.

historygeek · 11/03/2025 06:49

Do you think part of her upset could be fear her friend is drifting away from her, finding a new group with different priorities and moving on?

MrsDThaskala · 11/03/2025 06:52

Thanks all. Yes to the last point. Thank you for the replies.

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